When you click on links to various merchants on this site and make a purchase, this can result in this site earning a commission. Affiliate programs and affiliations include, but are not limited to, the eBay Partner Network.
Mostly personal preference. With 19s, you can use a fatter tire for a smoother ride. Going 20", the tire starts to be pretty narrow and pot holes become quite the enemy. I think 20s look better, but to each their own.
You are asking too broad of a question. It's like asking "What shirt should I wear today?" Nobody can tell you which wheel will be best for your car, that's a personal decision you must make. Our cars are 5-114 lug pattern, start with that. Then narrow down to style and offset you want. Go look at the many Vendor Classified section for wheels. You're in NY, if I were you I wouldn't get 20" or lower the car. Your roads are notoriously bad and you will get plenty of flats and/or bent rims.
Most with AWD stay with square setup. You can do staggered but you must stay within a very specific specs to keep the diameter as close to OEM as possible. Search this forum, I think someone with AWD just recently did staggered setup.