Well I've looked around these forums and lots of other online sites and I'm running into a dead end.

I have 98 Lexus gs 400 with 232k miles on it, history as follows: Jumped the battery after the car sat for a about a year in my yard and the car ran very nice. Apparently the battery was too far gone because after turning the car off it was too weak to start.

Bought a brand new battery from Advance; the car went completely haywire and will not turn over or even click. What I thought was the hazard lights appeared to be stuck on and flashing (making the clicking sound like turn signals or hazards do when they are on) when trying to turn the key I do hear what I think is the fuel pump coming on, but never turns over at all.

But I can still turn the hazard lights on and get a different clicking sound, or the turn signals. So I'm completely confused on that part. The odd thing is this (weird internal clicking sound a little louder than the click for the hazards or turn signals) persists until I disconnect the negative battery terminal.... so far the things I've tried:

1- resetting the alarm by turning the key clockwise and counter clockwise 3-4 times. Also turned it off with the key turn on the dash.
2- swapped the start relay out with a brand new one
3- new battery, I have to disconnect it when I'm done troubleshooting because of the above mentioned issue
4- checked all the fuses I could find. I found fuse boxes on both side driver and passenger sides under the dash and the fuse box by the battery
5- I'm fairly certain the battery poles are not reversed, looks like the negative lead should be on the passenger side like all the pictures I've looked at

I'm aware the starter and solenoid are under the plenum, but the weird parking light flashing deal makes me think it's something else, however I'm definitely not the expert on the GS. I just bought this car from my brother-in-law and it ran fine for him. So in short I know this car will run and it seems like I've disrupted something by changing the battery or during jumping it.
Any help would be greatly appreciated. I've tried to include all the information I can, thanks in advance.

 

I'd change fairly certain to absolutely positive on the battery being correctly positioned. I've heard that connecting the wrong posts can cause the car to do really weird things. Just throwing it out there because the car was acting normally before hand

 

I'll try to snap some pics of the battery orientation when I get back home, I wouldn't rule anything out at this point