My yearly-Car makers wish list to Santa 2006 edition....
12-25-06, 12:33 PM
#1
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My yearly-Car makers wish list to Santa 2006 edition....
Acura-Dear Santa, please send our management team a dictionary so they can look up the word "luxury" and maybe send them some pictures of what it is so they can get a clue.
Aston Martin-Dear Santa, please give Ian Callum a clean sheet of paper before the next Ford Mustang looks like a DB9.
Audi- Dear Santa, please go back in time and kill the 60 minutes team that did their review on Audis 20 years ago, we still cannot recover in America.
BMW-Dear Santa, first off thanks for the 1 million blind fan boys from last year we asked for. This year please give us ideas on how to make our cars uglier and more complicated.
Bentley-Dear Santa, kiss our ***, we don't need your stinking presents. Oh and kill anyone that bought a 300C and put the wire mesh grill in it.
Bugatti-Dear Santa, 4 turbos and 16 valves are not enough of a useless exercise, please bring us 4 more turbos and 14 more valves for our next W-30, 8 turbo 260mph car.
Buick-Dear Santa, please stop all the elderly from dying or we will go out of business
Cadillac-Dear Santa, please let Young Jeezy's album go #1 for 20 weeks in a row to spur Escalade sales. P.S-please take the BLS away, we were high when we made it.
Chevrolet-Dear Santa, please clone the team that makes the Corvette and Z06 so they can make every car as awesome. Outside the vette, we are the slowest heartbeat/heartrate of America.
Chrysler-Dear Santa, please let our spies continue to go unnoticed at Bentley and Rolls Royce headquarters so we can make all our cars look like theirs.
Dodge-Dear Santa, please ensure we have enough stickers so we can slap R/T on every single thing we make, no matter how good or how bad it really is.
Ferrari- Dear santa, f-you, f-lamborghini, f-bentley, f-pagani, f-your mother. We are so arrogant and damn good, we won't even capitilize their names.
Ford-Dear Santa, please import the Euro Fords to America and please let gas drop to 10 cents a barrel so people will buy our SUVs again.
GMC- Dear Santa, put our SUVs in the new Young Jeezy video so people will bling them out.
Honda- Dear Santa, can you send us a smaller ugly stick to beat our entire lineup with and please send us some torque for this holiday season.
Hummer-Dear Santa, can we get a H4 through H9, maybe a Hummer motorcycle or a Hummer 4-cylinder? We want to continue to ruin this brand.
Hyundai- Dear Santa, please let us get that deal with Hertz so we can be used more for rental cars than Ford. Thanks.
Infiniti- Dear Santa, its been 17 years and people still have no idea we are not that audio system company, please tell Carlos we need much more help.
Isuzu- Dear Santa, stop keeping us on freaking life-support and KILL US already!
Jaguar- Dear Santa, Chrysler has Benz as an owner, Lexus has Toyota as an owner, we have Ford. Nuff said, get us sold.
Jeep- Dear Santa, we really don't know what we want, and that is clear with our product lineup. We'll get back to you later.
Kia- Dear Santa, continue to keep bankruptcies at an all time high so those people will buy our cars.
Koesienegg- Got damnit Santa, you didn't spell our name right last year, as well did owners. No one has actually visited or called our company b/c no one knows how to say or spell it.
Lamborghini-Dear Santa, please send the Gallardo Lamborghini doors and start a bubonic plague for those that have Lambo doors on a non-Lambo
Land Rover-Dear Santa, Dear Santa, Dear Santa,Dear Santa, Dear Santa, Dear Santa, Dear Santa (our electrical system is down, we will write you later)
Lexus-Dear Santa, please send us another trophy case b/c we have run out of room. Also please send us some manuals in our cars so they can rust on lots b/c those guys on the internet bitcching won't actually buy one.
Lincoln-Dear Santa, please send us more barb-wire so we can make all our cars grills look like absolute crap.
Lotus-Dear Santa, you weigh more than most of our cars, stay the fock away from the milk and got damn cookies.
Maserati- Dear Santa, please give people some taste b/c we are still just way too overlooked. I guess we need to build ugly cars.
Maybach-Dear Santa, since Jay-Z put our coupe in his video "Lost Ones" sales are up for our sedan. May you bless Jay-Z.
Mazda -Dear Santa, please let people open their eyes and realize we are on par if not better than Toyota/Nissan/Honda. Or maybe we need to make ugly cars so people will buy them.
McLaren- Dear Santa, we both know I don't need anything b/c the F-1 is the greatest supercar ever made.P.S-please get those guys below us off our backs.
Mercedes Benz- Dear Santa, we typed this letter faster than anyone with our AMG powered computer but we haven't exactly figured out how to make it stop or how to turn it off but its the fastest and most biggest ever!
Mercury-After you shoot Isuzu, please come shoot us. Why are we here, seriously? It's like the worst planet in the solar system and maybe the worst car.
Mini- Dear Santa, we wish Chris Bangle and his band of blind brothers stays are far away from us as possible.
Mitsubishi- Dear Santa, thank you for the deal we made with Honda and BMW to get royalties off the ugly stick we have beat the living crap of our lineup with.
Nissan- Dear Santa, please bless those Frenchies for buying us and making our entire lineup the same but with different names. Genius!
Pagani- Dear Santa, thank you for the opportunity to continue to make incredible cars and shock Ferrari.
Pontiac-Dear Santa, how come we now look like BMWs but our cars still don't sell? Please send us BMW badges for Christmas so we can put on our cars and people will buy them.
Porsche- Dear Santa, we both know no one can touch us in overall performance but let us continue to get dumb ideas for our car names so Jeremy Clarkson can make jokes about us.
Rolls-Royce-Dear Santa, we sold you your first luxury sled, don't forget that bish.
Saab-Dear Santa, we were founded by jets but go slow like turtles. Can you remind us what we are here for again?
Saturn-Dear Santa, Saturn is a way cooler planet than Mercury, thanks for our name. And thanks for rebadging Opels as Saturns, BRILLIANT!
Scion-Dear Santa, can you give our cars some names b/c Xa and Tc and Xb sound like things the doctor prescribes as medicine.
Suburu-Dear Santa, please kill the guy who thought putting pig noses on our cars was a great idea. Rather, just cut his hands off.
Suzuki-Dear Santa, I did a search on the internet and we could not be found. No one cares that we are here, please spread some Suzuki love.
Toyota-Dear Santa, we are the biggest and richest and baddest and are the most hated. Please let us grow our ***** back so we can sell something resembling a powerful sports car.
Volkswagon- Dear Santa, please let Porsche continue to buy us up b/c we think "peoples car" stands for expensive cars that don't work and that no one wants.
Volvo- Dear Santa, please let Brad Pitt crash in a Volvo and live or maybe Oprah so people will buy our cars.
Aston Martin-Dear Santa, please give Ian Callum a clean sheet of paper before the next Ford Mustang looks like a DB9.
Audi- Dear Santa, please go back in time and kill the 60 minutes team that did their review on Audis 20 years ago, we still cannot recover in America.
BMW-Dear Santa, first off thanks for the 1 million blind fan boys from last year we asked for. This year please give us ideas on how to make our cars uglier and more complicated.
Bentley-Dear Santa, kiss our ***, we don't need your stinking presents. Oh and kill anyone that bought a 300C and put the wire mesh grill in it.
Bugatti-Dear Santa, 4 turbos and 16 valves are not enough of a useless exercise, please bring us 4 more turbos and 14 more valves for our next W-30, 8 turbo 260mph car.
Buick-Dear Santa, please stop all the elderly from dying or we will go out of business
Cadillac-Dear Santa, please let Young Jeezy's album go #1 for 20 weeks in a row to spur Escalade sales. P.S-please take the BLS away, we were high when we made it.
Chevrolet-Dear Santa, please clone the team that makes the Corvette and Z06 so they can make every car as awesome. Outside the vette, we are the slowest heartbeat/heartrate of America.
Chrysler-Dear Santa, please let our spies continue to go unnoticed at Bentley and Rolls Royce headquarters so we can make all our cars look like theirs.
Dodge-Dear Santa, please ensure we have enough stickers so we can slap R/T on every single thing we make, no matter how good or how bad it really is.
Ferrari- Dear santa, f-you, f-lamborghini, f-bentley, f-pagani, f-your mother. We are so arrogant and damn good, we won't even capitilize their names.
Ford-Dear Santa, please import the Euro Fords to America and please let gas drop to 10 cents a barrel so people will buy our SUVs again.
GMC- Dear Santa, put our SUVs in the new Young Jeezy video so people will bling them out.
Honda- Dear Santa, can you send us a smaller ugly stick to beat our entire lineup with and please send us some torque for this holiday season.
Hummer-Dear Santa, can we get a H4 through H9, maybe a Hummer motorcycle or a Hummer 4-cylinder? We want to continue to ruin this brand.
Hyundai- Dear Santa, please let us get that deal with Hertz so we can be used more for rental cars than Ford. Thanks.
Infiniti- Dear Santa, its been 17 years and people still have no idea we are not that audio system company, please tell Carlos we need much more help.
Isuzu- Dear Santa, stop keeping us on freaking life-support and KILL US already!
Jaguar- Dear Santa, Chrysler has Benz as an owner, Lexus has Toyota as an owner, we have Ford. Nuff said, get us sold.
Jeep- Dear Santa, we really don't know what we want, and that is clear with our product lineup. We'll get back to you later.
Kia- Dear Santa, continue to keep bankruptcies at an all time high so those people will buy our cars.
Koesienegg- Got damnit Santa, you didn't spell our name right last year, as well did owners. No one has actually visited or called our company b/c no one knows how to say or spell it.
Lamborghini-Dear Santa, please send the Gallardo Lamborghini doors and start a bubonic plague for those that have Lambo doors on a non-Lambo
Land Rover-Dear Santa, Dear Santa, Dear Santa,Dear Santa, Dear Santa, Dear Santa, Dear Santa (our electrical system is down, we will write you later)
Lexus-Dear Santa, please send us another trophy case b/c we have run out of room. Also please send us some manuals in our cars so they can rust on lots b/c those guys on the internet bitcching won't actually buy one.
Lincoln-Dear Santa, please send us more barb-wire so we can make all our cars grills look like absolute crap.
Lotus-Dear Santa, you weigh more than most of our cars, stay the fock away from the milk and got damn cookies.
Maserati- Dear Santa, please give people some taste b/c we are still just way too overlooked. I guess we need to build ugly cars.
Maybach-Dear Santa, since Jay-Z put our coupe in his video "Lost Ones" sales are up for our sedan. May you bless Jay-Z.
Mazda -Dear Santa, please let people open their eyes and realize we are on par if not better than Toyota/Nissan/Honda. Or maybe we need to make ugly cars so people will buy them.
McLaren- Dear Santa, we both know I don't need anything b/c the F-1 is the greatest supercar ever made.P.S-please get those guys below us off our backs.
Mercedes Benz- Dear Santa, we typed this letter faster than anyone with our AMG powered computer but we haven't exactly figured out how to make it stop or how to turn it off but its the fastest and most biggest ever!
Mercury-After you shoot Isuzu, please come shoot us. Why are we here, seriously? It's like the worst planet in the solar system and maybe the worst car.
Mini- Dear Santa, we wish Chris Bangle and his band of blind brothers stays are far away from us as possible.
Mitsubishi- Dear Santa, thank you for the deal we made with Honda and BMW to get royalties off the ugly stick we have beat the living crap of our lineup with.
Nissan- Dear Santa, please bless those Frenchies for buying us and making our entire lineup the same but with different names. Genius!
Pagani- Dear Santa, thank you for the opportunity to continue to make incredible cars and shock Ferrari.
Pontiac-Dear Santa, how come we now look like BMWs but our cars still don't sell? Please send us BMW badges for Christmas so we can put on our cars and people will buy them.
Porsche- Dear Santa, we both know no one can touch us in overall performance but let us continue to get dumb ideas for our car names so Jeremy Clarkson can make jokes about us.
Rolls-Royce-Dear Santa, we sold you your first luxury sled, don't forget that bish.
Saab-Dear Santa, we were founded by jets but go slow like turtles. Can you remind us what we are here for again?
Saturn-Dear Santa, Saturn is a way cooler planet than Mercury, thanks for our name. And thanks for rebadging Opels as Saturns, BRILLIANT!
Scion-Dear Santa, can you give our cars some names b/c Xa and Tc and Xb sound like things the doctor prescribes as medicine.
Suburu-Dear Santa, please kill the guy who thought putting pig noses on our cars was a great idea. Rather, just cut his hands off.
Suzuki-Dear Santa, I did a search on the internet and we could not be found. No one cares that we are here, please spread some Suzuki love.
Toyota-Dear Santa, we are the biggest and richest and baddest and are the most hated. Please let us grow our ***** back so we can sell something resembling a powerful sports car.
Volkswagon- Dear Santa, please let Porsche continue to buy us up b/c we think "peoples car" stands for expensive cars that don't work and that no one wants.
Volvo- Dear Santa, please let Brad Pitt crash in a Volvo and live or maybe Oprah so people will buy our cars.
12-25-06, 04:13 PM
#4
That was a blast to read
Two points
Let's not raz Chrysler about Rolls Royce as they are owned by BMW.
Let's get the Suzuki folks to let the Hyabusa team loose on a car. That way we could have a 600 hp monster for $40K.
Two points
Let's not raz Chrysler about Rolls Royce as they are owned by BMW.
Let's get the Suzuki folks to let the Hyabusa team loose on a car. That way we could have a 600 hp monster for $40K.
12-25-06, 09:27 PM
#5
Lexus Fanatic
iTrader: (20)
Great list. 
(Bugatti has 16 cylinders, not valves though)
(Bugatti has 16 cylinders, not valves though)
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12-26-06, 01:26 PM
#14
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BMW-Dear Santa, first off thanks for the 1 million blind fan boys that have now joined CL . This year please give us ideas on how to make our cars uglier and more complicated.
and
Lexus-Dear Santa, Thank you very much for the VDM disable switch. Now if you could just make our cars fun to drive...
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