Below was someones sig at VWVortex and I was laughing for 10 min. It got me thinking what are some of your favorite Clarkson quotes.

I do recall him saying the Chrysler Crossfire looks like a dog bending down taking a dump


"Ferraris are serious cars for serious people who drive around wearing a serious expression. The Gallardo can do serious, too. It has Audi electrics and Audi engineering. But as you careen towards the next bend on a wave of extraordinary sound, half blinded by your own upholstery, you’ll be making the noise of a howler monkey and wishing you were naked" The one and only Jeremy Clarkson

 

When he tested the Chrysler 300C SRT-8:

"Now all this tire smoking stuff may look impressive, but the truth of the matter is.......this is rubbish to drive. Rubbish.

The steering is far too soft, the throttle doesn't have proper control, you can't get your hand on the gear lever. Its just not thought out (waves hand) by anyone who's ever seen a European mountain road. Not a driver's car. Not even slightly"

And the Toyota Prius:

"Now this screen is an excellent way of distracting you, from the child that's run out into the road, having not heard you coming.

Actually, I'm being unfair. The Prius is SO slow, the child could run out into the road, retreive his ball, and grow to puberty, before you ever actually hit him"

 

Nice............

 

on a Top Gear episode about the Ferrari 360 Challenge Stradale vs. Porsche 911 GT3 RS

"I see Porsche as a souped up Volkswagen Beetle, while I see Ferrari as a scaled-down version of God.."

 

lol I remember that one. Here's another

"Supercars are supposed to run over Arthur Scargill..…and then run over him again for good measure. They are designed to melt ice caps, kill the poor, poison the water table, destroy the ozone layer, decimate indigenous wildlife, re-capture The Falkland Islands, and turn the entire third world into a huge uninhabitable desert - but only after they’ve nicked all the world’s oil!!"

 

"...806 Horsepower...that's about *gestures hand* that much. And that's on that limp-wristed fairy liquid the americans call petrol. if you run this on the more explosive jungle juice here in europe, you'll get 850 horsepower."

about the Koenigsegg CCX

 

on the bugatti veyron episode:

"today is officially the saddest day of my life because i know i will never own a car like this"
(if i remember correctly, one of my favorite episodes btw)

 

On "Jeremy Clarkson - Head to head" (DVD):

About the Yamaha R1:

"Well obviously I'm not going to ride the bike, because I'm a hetero-sexual... and I don't like wearing rubber trousers."

 

"Supercars are designed to mess with G-Forces, hypercars are designed to mess with G-strings."

 

Haha I remember that and then he did a massive burn out!

 

In general, the second part when he notes the drawbacks of the Mitsu Evo VIII FQ400 is hilarious.

 

i think his quotes are on wikipedia

http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Jeremy_Clarkson

 

heheh, a couple of my favorites

"Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary... That's what gets you."

(re: Ferrari F40)
"what I love is that when you're on the over-run, and you take your foot of the throttle, there are these huge explosions...it just dumps great wads of unburnt fuel into the exhaust FOR FUN!"

and last but not least (for now)

(RE: Chrysler 300c)
"The Americans lecture the world on democracy and then won't let me turn the traction control off! It's supposed to be a big, bad, dangerous musclecar; (southern accent): 'Oh but sir you might hurt yourself...'"

 

Ha he does same idea on the Viper. He says "this [Viper] being a product of 21st century America, the health and safety people have stuck their noses in. For example, there's a warning label on the sun visor saying that death or serious injury may result......the back seat is the safest place for children under 12..."

"..there's one on the door jam that says "Mercury may be present in the following equipment: rear-seat entertainment system"

 

Clarkson announcing on Top Gear what he'll do to people at Ford if they didn't fix his GT properly (when he still had it)

"If you don't mend it, I'm going to bone your dog."

and about the Range Rover Sport (mind you, the RRS is offered with a diesel in Europe)

"You can't have this car with a diesel engine. It'd be like saying "I won't go to Stringfellows tonight, I'll get my mum to give me a lap dance, she's a woman!" Yeah, but... (grimaces)"