Lexus Announces Celebrity Acquisition Program

Inspired by the dramatic upsurge in media coverage by the gift of a LFA
supercar to socialite Paris Hilton by her current boyfriend Cy Waits,
Lexus USA has announced a Celebrity Lexus Acquisition Program referred
to internally as CLAP. The program will provide celebrities with new
Lexus vehicles, fuel and maintenance for periods from one week to a
maximum of nine months.

Our sources in the Lexus public relations department have leaked a draft
list of celebrities under consideration for this new program, and we’ve
got the scoop! Each star, public figure or media magnet is being
carefully selected to highlight or market a characteristic of a
particular Lexus vehicle.

According to the top-secret internal marketing planning memo we saw
(recreation below), here are some of the first celebs to possibly get
their hands on a CLAP vehicle.

Lexus also plans to put in place a 24×7 hotline to help reporter’s
editors fact-check articles about the celebrity Lexus loaners, down to
describing the exact color and explaining options in the very cars being
driven by the star. Lexus Marketing is reportedly doing this to help
prevent misinformation being spread about their vehicles. For example,
the USA Today article by Chris Woodyard about Ms. Hilton’s LFA said
“Just like her, its plastic”. As any true Lexus fanatic knows, the LFA
body is made of carbon fiber for both improved chassis stiffness and
reduced weight (both of which could also apply to Ms. Hilton if he’d had
his facts checked).

The only celebrity known to have been contacted about the program thus
far has been Mr. Sheen. When reached for confirmation, his agency
quickly denied anything about Charlie and the CLAP and hung up the
phone, but we think that was just confusion over the purpose of our
call.

By: April F.