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WTFFFF is wrong with this BMW??

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Old Feb 23, 2023 | 06:03 PM
  #16  
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Whoops, I meant to add that this was a diesel X5. My bad.
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Old Feb 23, 2023 | 06:06 PM
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Originally Posted by AJT123
Why did it sound almost like a scaled down dump truck?

I thought I was going to pass an F450 rolling coal. It was that loud.
Because if the PCV is dead oil gets low and valvetronic gets angry and the system goes to failsafe. Let it go long enough (and they always do) it starts to destroy VANOS as well and that's the sound you hear.

The VVT is dead and making the chopping noise. Classic BMW
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Old Feb 23, 2023 | 06:17 PM
  #18  
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Originally Posted by AJT123
my phone is old lol. I just don’t feel like paying $1100 for a phone at the moment.
Nobody does, thats why they finance them into your cell bill. Great racket lol $35 for a phone? Sure lol
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Old Feb 23, 2023 | 06:42 PM
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Originally Posted by AJT123
my phone is old lol. I just don’t feel like paying $1100 for a phone at the moment.
iphone 12 is $599 from apple.
pixel 6a is $249-499 from google.
financing for both too.
both excellent phones.
no need to spend $1100.
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Old Feb 23, 2023 | 09:50 PM
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Originally Posted by AJT123
There was plenty of soot, the thing was smoking like an old Mercedes... It was soooooo loud.


Crappy pics but the exhaust was black.
Sorry AJT, giving it to you straight but your phone sucks bad. haha
My Samsung was only $150 at metro PCS and it takes pics that don't look like they were shot in the 1930's.
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Originally Posted by xGS350x
Time to upgrade your phone, op.
Oh yeah. lol

Originally Posted by SW17LS
I thought we liked old stuff?!
If it works good!
That's the disclaimer.
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Originally Posted by LeX2K
This is the mantra of every BMW mechanic.
So if I understand the repairs pay well but the job is not fun.
Dammit, no having your cake and eating it too from what it sounds like. lol

Originally Posted by Stroock639
looks to be just like what's going on here

https://youtu.be/Y4qewQkYTTs?t=447
I agree, don't buy someone else's money pit!
There is no savings in that, learned that the hard way and that goes for anything, cars, houses, and crazy exes too. haha

Originally Posted by Striker223
Because if the PCV is dead oil gets low and valvetronic gets angry and the system goes to failsafe. Let it go long enough (and they always do) it starts to destroy VANOS as well and that's the sound you hear.

The VVT is dead and making the chopping noise. Classic BMW
Sounds like something that could've been avoided maybe with proper maintenance but I dont know if that's true or not.
Is the engine doomed?

Originally Posted by bitkahuna
iphone 12 is $599 from apple.
pixel 6a is $249-499 from google.
financing for both too.
both excellent phones.
no need to spend $1100.
That's really not much when ya think about it.
Especially if you can get a few years out of it before it won't charge anymore.

Last edited by Margate330; Feb 23, 2023 at 09:56 PM.
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Old Feb 24, 2023 | 04:44 AM
  #21  
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Originally Posted by Striker223
Because if the PCV is dead oil gets low and valvetronic gets angry and the system goes to failsafe. Let it go long enough (and they always do) it starts to destroy VANOS as well and that's the sound you hear.

The VVT is dead and making the chopping noise. Classic BMW
Considering this engine doesn't even have VANOS, that's highly unlikely to be the cause.

The M57 should sound like a tractor (mine has since new), but it shouldn't smoke. A rattling noise is most likely to be a loose heat shield. If there were a recording, I might be able to provide some insight. But I think OP bought his phone before video was invented.
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Old Feb 24, 2023 | 05:16 AM
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Every other ~>=7yo diesel around here, BMW or not. Bad injectors (for whatever reason), "tune", deleted EGR & DPF (& SCR for the few that have it) = smoke, turbo tractor noise, occasional breakdowns.

p.s. BMW diesels are amongst the most robust diesels out there. Nothing like their benzin (petrol / gas :P ) versions.
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Old Feb 24, 2023 | 06:43 AM
  #23  
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Originally Posted by AJT123
my phone is old lol. I just don’t feel like paying $1100 for a phone at the moment.
Fair. I'm guilty of buying expensive phones, but I at least use them for three years before upgrading again. I've used swappa and glyde (no longer exists) for used phones and had good results. The sweet spot is 2-3 years old. My mother is still using the iPhone XS I got for $300 two years ago.
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Old Feb 24, 2023 | 07:20 AM
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Originally Posted by AJT123
Edit: this is a diesel.

Literally sounded like an older 3500 and the smoke was bad. I'm not exaggerating, I thought there was some redneck in a 3500 truck directly ahead of this X5 that might as well have been rolling coal, it was THAT bad. Some pretty lady in her 30s driving it, oblivious. This was so bad I started a thread because I want the German pros to weigh in here. It LITERALLY sounded identical to a 3500.
My brother has a 2014 diesel 3 series. It is a very nice car. But, the diesel part kinda sucks. We were on a trip just before Christmas in Pennsylvania. It’s not that quiet. Finding diesel is a PITA the butt. His CEL is on (no more smog tests) and he is always complaining about having to buy DEF fuel. That said, he really likes it. But has nagging issues. Just last week he had to replace his ball joints

Originally Posted by sg021
Fair. I'm guilty of buying expensive phones, but I at least use them for three years before upgrading again. I've used swappa and glyde (no longer exists) for used phones and had good results. The sweet spot is 2-3 years old. My mother is still using the iPhone XS I got for $300 two years ago.
I have at the time a new iMac, Apple Watch and IPad Pro…but I hang on to my iPhone 8plus. No way am I paying the price they are asking for a new Pro Max. I also like the home button TBH. I’m gonna get the battery replaced when I can. I also buy everything out right so no plans for me
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Old Feb 24, 2023 | 08:02 AM
  #25  
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Originally Posted by LexsCTJill
My brother has a 2014 diesel 3 series.[...] he is always complaining about having to buy DEF fuel.
This is strange, as it should not be a frequent occurrence at all.. His car has a DEF capacity of 18.1 Liters (8.7L in the active tank, 9.4L in the passive tank), and DEF is used at a rate of 2% of fuel consumption. So that is enough for 905L of fuel, or about 240 gallons. According to forums, when the "XXX miles until no start" message comes up, it takes 15.3L to top off. At 36mpg combined, that should last about 7,200 miles. So maybe twice a year if he drives a lot?

My car has a significantly thirstier twin-turbo straight six (vs his single-turbo 4), offset by a larger DEF capacity (~6.5 gallons vs. 4.8 gallons), and I have to fill about once a year. I typically do it in the fall, so I have a full tank(s) for the winter.
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Old Feb 24, 2023 | 08:11 AM
  #26  
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Originally Posted by Lwerewolf
Every other ~>=7yo diesel around here, BMW or not. Bad injectors (for whatever reason), "tune", deleted EGR & DPF (& SCR for the few that have it) = smoke, turbo tractor noise, occasional breakdowns.

p.s. BMW diesels are amongst the most robust diesels out there. Nothing like their benzin (petrol / gas :P ) versions.
Eh the M57 certainly had its fair share of issues. Once upon a time I really wanted a 335d as a daily driver and the budget I was going to need to lay aside to get in front of several issues was...vast. It wasn't much better than the gas N54 and worse than the gas N55.

Originally Posted by geko29
Considering this engine doesn't even have VANOS, that's highly unlikely to be the cause.

The M57 should sound like a tractor (mine has since new), but it shouldn't smoke. A rattling noise is most likely to be a loose heat shield. If there were a recording, I might be able to provide some insight. But I think OP bought his phone before video was invented.
Lol yeah I was taken aback by that post. Anyways, I loved the tractor noise. How has your 335d been? As I mentioned above, the M57 issues on the forums scared me away from purchasing one. I had just come off N54 ownership and couldn't stomach another maintenance intensive engine. My N55-equipped BMW ended up being a sweetheart in comparison.
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Old Feb 24, 2023 | 08:53 AM
  #27  
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Originally Posted by TangoRed
Lol yeah I was taken aback by that post. Anyways, I loved the tractor noise. How has your 335d been? As I mentioned above, the M57 issues on the forums scared me away from purchasing one. I had just come off N54 ownership and couldn't stomach another maintenance intensive engine. My N55-equipped BMW ended up being a sweetheart in comparison.
It hasn't been as utterly trouble-free as my N52 was--which needed a total of two engine "repairs" over 155k miles, costing roughly $60 total. I had to replace one camshaft position sensor (<2 minutes), and the VANOS o-rings (about 2 hrs). But emissions nonsense aside, the M57 has been decent over 12 years and 116k miles. As expected with pretty much any DI diesel these days, 3 total injector failures (have had all 6 replaced with remanufactured). A couple oil hoses which were relatively easy to replace, plus a vacuum leak that disabled the small turbo (resulting in a hilarious driving experience I detailed in another thread). I wound up doing a full refresh of the vacuum system--hoses, actuators, accumulators--which took about 2 hrs.

The emissions crap is another story. Have had carbon cleaning and SCR mixer replaced twice--once under warranty, once on my dime. I've since removed the EGR valve and cooler, and had the EGR coded out along with a stage 1 tune (which also added launch control ). It's been positively wonderful since then, should have done that day 1.
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Old Feb 24, 2023 | 09:03 AM
  #28  
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Originally Posted by geko29
. But I think OP bought his phone before video was invented.
That's pretty funny. So are the other comments. Once of my friends was like "What do you have the iPhone 1???" I don't think it's that old honestly, I think it's an 11. I did upgrade once after my friend say that, it was years ago.

As for the sound, imagine an 18 wheeler taking off but not nearly as loud... But still way too loud. Something was REALLY wrong.
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Old Feb 24, 2023 | 09:12 AM
  #29  
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Originally Posted by geko29
This is strange, as it should not be a frequent occurrence at all.. His car has a DEF capacity of 18.1 Liters (8.7L in the active tank, 9.4L in the passive tank), and DEF is used at a rate of 2% of fuel consumption. So that is enough for 905L of fuel, or about 240 gallons. According to forums, when the "XXX miles until no start" message comes up, it takes 15.3L to top off. At 36mpg combined, that should last about 7,200 miles. So maybe twice a year if he drives a lot?

My car has a significantly thirstier twin-turbo straight six (vs his single-turbo 4), offset by a larger DEF capacity (~6.5 gallons vs. 4.8 gallons), and I have to fill about once a year. I typically do it in the fall, so I have a full tank(s) for the winter.
My brother drives a lot. Probably 15,000 miles a year at lest. Maybe more. He does a lot of long road trips for his sons hockey. And summer he is off from work as he is a teacher and they go out all over the place. They also have diesel Mercedes as well... So its 2 fold
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Old Feb 24, 2023 | 09:21 AM
  #30  
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Originally Posted by AJT123
As for the sound, imagine an 18 wheeler taking off but not nearly as loud... But still way too loud. Something was REALLY wrong.
Best guess is a bad injector or two. Results in running rough, something akin to a misfire in a gas engine. But the engine has so much torque that partially losing a cylinder or two doesn't significantly effect driveability.
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