spiveyb

Thank you!! Finally a couple that thinks outside the narrow minded marriage folks lol.

But back to the original reason of why I'm here. After a day of thinking it over I decided that I won't be selling her my car, for the exact reasoned you mentioned. She honestly wouldn't let me drive the car either, and I know I would be pissed about it lol. She's going to go with the IS route and keep the genesis for get around purposes. If the 5GS is released then I would still be in the market for one, because I plan to have my car paid off well before then. If it doesn't, then like a previous person mentioned there's always the new LS that's coming out.

spiveyb

This was my thoughts exactly.

SW17LS

I think this is an interesting conversation, not because of the car obviously lol. I too had to read the OP's post a couple times to get a handle of the concept of "selling" something to your spouse. I think this is an important point:

I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that the OP also lived with his wife for multiple years before they got married, I think that is where this phenomenon comes from. My wife and I lived together for 7 years before we got married. When you live together but aren't married in general you see people keep separate finances, and when these people get married but their living situation remains mostly the same its more natural for them to just continue doing what they've always done. When people get married THEN move in with each other, or move in with each other very close to getting married its more natural for a big change in the finances to happen then.

I see a lot of peoples finances, and it certainly isn't "common" to find couples with this level of separation in their finances, its not unheard of.

For my wife and I, we too kept largely separate finances until really a couple of years ago when our kids were born and she stopped working. That was her more than me. I always made a lot more money than she did, and when we weren't married it would bug her that I was always the one who had to pay for things like vacations, most household expenses, etc. She always insisted on paying her own car payment, had her own credit cards. Several years in I did get her an AMEX card on my account so she could buy groceries, etc without us having to transfer money around. She would have big expenses and would struggle to find a way to pay for them and I always thought that was so silly when I made all this money and could easily pay for them...but it was important to her that she support herself. Even when we traded her Prius in on a car that really I wanted, financing was in my name, etc...she insisted that she make the payment because it was the car she drove.

Even after we got married that continued because thats how she wanted it. It only really changed when our kids were born and she stopped working, and it bothers her that she "lives off of me" and "uses my money"....as I have tried to tell her its OUR money, and that I'm delighted I can support the family so she can stay home with our kids. As soon as they're in school though I have no doubt she will be working again and wanting to "pay her own way" again.

But, even then...if I gave her my car I wouldn't consider it "selling" her my car. It would never even occur to me to have her buy it from me, or to secure some other sort of financing that was already attached to it. Financial decisions we have always made together, even before we were "married". I don't "ask her permission", and she doesn't "ask my permission" but of course we discuss any significant purchase like a car. Even something as simple as going out and buying clothes for the kids, she knows she's going to go out and spend $500 or so, she lets me know she's doing that in case that didn't fit into something I have planned. If I'm going to go out and I dunno, buy a TV I'm not just going to show up at home with "my TV", she's going to be aware I'm going to do that.

So while I see no problem with married people having separate finances, banking separately, having their own accounts for their own individual things, where I find this strange is this concept of total separation, where one of you "owns" something and the other does not. Marriage legally doesn't work like that...anything you own you both own. Selling your wife your car...she already owns the car. So while you're married by law, I have to agree that IMHO this level of individuality doesn't embody what a "marriage" traditionally is.

The only time I've ever suggested anybody consider this type of situation is my cousin. He and his wife make roughly the same amount of money, and they CONSTANTLY fight over money. His wife is controlling with money, she wants to account for every penny, and he isn't that way. She balances the checkbook by hand every day, and he is expected to account for every penny he spends...if he buys a soda and its not disclosed she's all over him because it throws off her balance. It was getting to a point where it was destroying their marriage. What I suggested to him was exactly what the OP has. That they establish a joint account, all of the household bills are paid out of there, each of them deposits half into the account every month, plus a budget for household expenses (groceries, etc). Then the rest of their income is theirs to use. She is in charge of the joint account, and her own account, but his account is his. Another thing they fight about is cars, he likes having a nice car she is cheap, so he pays his car payment out of his account and her car is paid for. This setup has actually worked really well for them, and they trade off paying for dinners out, etc.

But, they don't consider say their cars "his and hers" even. She drives his car, he drives her car. He and I are driving to WV this weekend, he's driving her car because its 4WD. The concept of one of them "selling" something to the other would never even come up. Thats the weird thing here vs the separate finances.

I even ran this by my wife, who as I said before feels the need to "support herself", she thought the concept of one spouse "selling" a car to the other spouse was bizarre.

spiveyb

It's always interesting to hear from other people of how a "traditional marriage" should work. If we're going to be sticklers about this, then technically you wasn't suppose to be shacking with your wife before marriage, having sex, or pretend to have any type of marital benefits without being married. The bottom line is your trying to do the right thing the best way you can, then I don't see what the problem is. I can say that it is kind of bizarre that you lived with your wife for 7 years before you got married?? But I'm quite sure your response would be "that's what worked well for me and my wife". We have a system that works successfully, regardless of what your "tradition" might be. Bills get paid on time, I provide a roof over my family's head, and my wife is happy. She has access to drive my car whenever she wants, so I think you're taking "selling my car" out of context.. But at the end of the day, married or not, I pay the bill for that car so I'm responsible for it.

Another difference between your household and mine, is that I don't have to consult with my wife or give her a heads up that I'm going to spend 500 on whatever, and to me that's priceless. They only time we consult on finances is with large purchases i.e car, or if it's anything dealing with our joint account, savings account, and investments. My wife would look at me crazy if I told her to give me a heads up if she went out to spend 300 on clothes, or vice versa LOLOL.. But hey what works for you cool.

praetor

As I said before I have seen it every which way and if it works it works. I don't think anyone can judge on what a marriage is supposed to be in this day and age.

A down side I have seen of the joint bank account is what I call the "me too" clause. One of my married friends has a joint account. He makes a lot more money than his wife but this is where the "me too" clause comes in. If my buddy wants to spend $500 on something, she never says no. But she gets to spend $500 on something also, aka the me too clause. LOL So my buddy sees his $500 purchase as costing him $1,000.

But again, if it works it works. In this day and age I don't think we can say one way is better than the other.

SW17LS

I'm not passing judgement on how you choose to live your life, you can do whatever you want, I'm just telling you why your post has generated the response that it has. You posted as if this was totally common and it isn't, its unusual which is why people have commented the way that they have. Like I said what I find usual isn't the separate finances, its the idea of separate ownership, that you would "sell" something to your wife, your reaction to the idea that you would "buy your wife a car" with disgust, those concepts are just at odds with most people's definition of what a marriage is. To most people, there is no "mine" and "hers", only "ours". You don't sell your spouse something, because she already owns it same as you do. Conceptually thats just a concept that I don't understand. I would never even occur to me to "sell" my wife something, or to "buy" something from her.

For instance my business partner has a leased 4GS. He recently bought a Jeep, they traded her paid for Corolla and he drives the Jeep and she started driving the GS to save on miles since he was going to be over the lease miles. There was no "business transaction", she did not buy his Lexus out of the lease, he did not compensate her for the Corolla even though she owned it before they were married nor would it have occurred to either of them for it to be a business transaction.

You say "its bizarre you lived with your wife for 7 years before you got married", I would counter with my relationship with my wife when we lived together before we got married was same as yours is with your wife. If thats what I wanted...I never would have gotten married. I see no reason to be "married" with your arrangement.

You don't understand same as I don't understand your lifestyle. I don't have to consult with my wife, I want to...and I just do. We're partners, equals and our life is a joint life, its not my life and her life. THATS why we got married, because we wanted to make a life together, not live two separate lives in the same house and have sex with each other.

What you're doing isn't "wrong", I don't believe there is a "wrong", but when it comes to marriage lots of people have a lot of deep seeded ideas of what it "is" and "should be", and like it or not your marriage is non-traditional.

ssmoked

I wouldn't let you drive it either lmao. To top your wife, I'm going to reverse lease it to you or charge you per use.

Man...I just don't understand why even get married at this point. Entice me the difference between a gf/bf relationship and a marriage where financials are separated and the OP has to SELL his car to HIS WIFE OFFICIALLY.

Do you guys charges each other's "going to the movies" also??

SW17LS

Exactly, IMHO what this turns marriage into is a business relationship. I have a contract with this person for us to "be married" and I have to compensate her for this and she has to compensate me for this. We like each other, and thats why we've chosen to have this arrangement, but she does her thing and makes her choices with her stuff and I do the same. This arrangement reminds me more of my relationship with my business partner than my wife. I would sell him my car, but I wouldn't sell my wife my car lol.

Its not "wrong", but in a way I kind of think its sad. Missing out on one of the best things about being married IMHO.

spiveyb

Lets use common sense please. My wife wants her OWN lexus, OWN, not joint.. If that's the case we would have applied for the loan jointly.

spiveyb

So just to make sure I understand you correctly. You and your wife applied for your vehicles jointly correct? Credit cards?

And what am I so called missing out on??? LOLOL.. Does your wife not get on your nerves from time to time because you have this magical everything is joint idea?? Please tell me what benefits that your getting because of your actions..

ssmoked

if she thinks like you, I suppose she does not want you to touch HER lexus after purchasing it from YOU?

Why would you put 2 people on a loan when 1 qualifies already?

SW17LS

No, like I said my wife currently earns no income. Cars are just in my name out of simplicity, and even before she stopped working, I made 10 times what she made so having her apply for the loan also wasn't necessary. House is in both of our names, by I'm the only one on the mortgage because I bought it before we were married. When we got married I added her to the title as tenants by the entirety to protect it if I were to die. Who's name is on the title or the loan however doesn't make any difference because we're married, we're a joint unit. There is no "my" or "hers". She chooses things she wants and I choose things I want in different areas and thats great, but the concept of transacting business with my wife...totally foreign to me.

Credit cards, all of my accounts predate our marriage, so they're all my accounts and the ones we primarily use are off of my accounts just because they are better accounts. She has credit cards that are just in her name and I have the same thing. However, if she buys something with her CC for me I don't have to pay her back lol.

Bottom line is, neither of us care who's name is on the title for something.

FYI, thats how the law works too in most states. Even states that aren't "community property" states, when you are married and something is purchased during the marriage by one of you, its considered joint property and was purchased with marital funds.

I think you're missing out on being really joined with the person you love, really being one unit and charting a course through life together.

Does my wife get on my nerves? Of course she does. I get on her nerves too. Sometimes I want to do things and buy things she doesn't want and vice versa, sometimes there is conflict but we figure things out together as a family and make decisions together as a family.

Like I said, if I wanted the arrangement you have I wouldn't have gotten married, we would have stayed cohabiting people. There is nothing wrong with that, I have a good friend he and his girlfriend have lived together for 20 years and aren't married. Their life even, they don't "sell" things to each other or "buy" things from each other.

I know lots of people who have separate finances, but you are the first person I've ever talked with that feels they have separate ownership and this level of autonomy. Note not one person has posted saying they too understand the concept of "selling" something to or "buying" something from your own wife. That is very unusual. The concept that "your wife cannot afford the same payment I'm paying"..."she's really getting the better deal"...actually you're both getting screwed if you sell her that car because you're going to pay transfer costs, titling costs, you're going to pay more interest financing it for a longer term, etc.

spiveyb

Once again lets use common sense.. lol... Because according to you all nothing should be separate.. If it's hers anyways, then she might as well put her name on the loan too. Hell might even give you a better shot at being pre-approved for more lol

spiveyb

Ah I got you.. I guess that's just where we defer.. Not only is she my wife, she is also my business partner, best friend, and etc. You really can't relate and don't have a choice because you are the only one generating income, and even when your wife was working she wasn't making as much as you. Not to mention you even said your wife wanted her own things, but you persisted on the way it is now, so lets not act like what I'm doing is off base. We have the mentality that 2 is better than 1, and in the event something happens to one of us loses our jobs, the other picks up the slack. But as stated many times in this post, if it works for you then good deal.

SW17LS

Correct, theres no reason not to have her name on the loan, the point is if it isn't necessary why bother? Nobody smart is out buying cars with payments "the most they can be approved for". Hell, I could go out tomorrow and finance a Rolls Royce and "get approved"