The Ls400 hell trip part 1
03-08-19, 07:31 AM
#46
Lexus Test Driver
Thread Starter
03-11-19, 07:58 AM
#48
Lexus Test Driver
Thread Starter
the following morning i woke up earlier then everyone else. sun wasn't even starting to come up yet. still felt like the middle of the night. i tried to go back to sleep but i couldn't no matter how hard i tried. it was about 90 degrees in the dorm building, i was sweating, and had nats buzzing in my ears that i couldn't shake. i reluctantly threw on my shorts, boots, and headed outside. i walked over to the barn where my car was parked through the dew soaked grass, unlocked the door and slid into the drivers seat. clock on the dash was reading 4:45. "damn" i thought. i really needed my energy for the day considering more would probably be asked of me since they wanted me to stick around and put me in a higher position, whatever that meant. i cranked the engine, which i did periodically to keep the battery from totally conking out and the engine from locking up, which was a little slower to turn over as the car had been sitting in the weeds and not on the road. just as it always did, it started right up, with a brief puff of smoke, followed by a nice low rumble that it always had. i had about 3/4 of a tank of gas when i broke down, but after months of turning the car over every other day even briefly, just long enough before it overheated from having no coolant. well the gas was starting to get a little low and i was now down to a quarter tank. i watched as the white, half burnt out flickering needle started to climb into the red, so off it went. i was anxious to leave this god forsaken place and i had almost everything i needed to get my car back on the road so i could get the hell out of there, but now things had changed, and were about to change drastically. i had a radiator, the hoses i needed, and the spare wheel/tire. it was just a matter of putting it all together. i still didnt have the right nuts and studs for the rim, but i could at least start the process by trying to get the rim off. i had no torch or any kind of serious power tools to be able to cut the rim off and remove the bolts and studs, but went digging around the barn looking for something i could potentially use to break the rim off. it was still dark and i had a little time, so i looked through the barn and found an old tool bench with all kinds of stuff, rusted and covered in cob webs. found a good sized hammer and a chisel in a squeaky drawer that when i opened a huge recluse spider came bolting out of and ran up my hand. i immediately froze, not moving a muscle, because a bite from it out here on the farm, could mean death or very very serious injury. i stood there for several minutes there with this thing on the top of my hand, but it was as still as i was. its amazing how things change when in a strange and unforgiving environment. had this happened at home in civilization, i would have just flicked it off my hand and went about whatever i was doing, i had done it before. but out here on the farm in the middle of nowhere, with nobody around but the farm workers and the evil people that ran it, there was no anti-venom, meds, 911, paramedics, transportation nothing. the nearest hospital was Glades General, about an hour away. out here, it was the hunter, i was the hunted, and i was extremely vulnerable. another minute passed which seemed like an hour, and the brown recluse finally moved off my hand, and jump down to the floor, where i promptly stomped on it. i grabbed the chisel and the hammer and walked over to the car. by then it was 5:30, and i could smell breakfast from the pavilion, and hear noises of people shuffling over. i opened the back door, set the hammer and chisel on the seat, and dropped a few food pellets into pickles bowl. as i left, there was a loud thump on the roof of the car, which was oreo jumping from the second story window of the barn, with a mouse he caught. very smart cat, as he always was..
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Maximus666 (04-18-19)
03-16-19, 01:35 PM
#49
Lexus Test Driver
Thread Starter
the atmosphere was tense at the pavilion. "here u go Hollywood" as Tee hands me a plate of bacon and eggs. as brutal as these guys were, they fed their workers, slaves, kidnapping victims well. always did. i think thats part of the reason some people stayed. out of desperation from being homeless, running from the law, running from ICE or whatever the case was. typically, me, Tito, and Hubie and a few of the other guys would sit at the same table, and talk about whatever over breakfast, what was or may happen to who that day, etc. however, this time it was different. i sit down at the table, and all of my buddy's immediately got up, and sat at another table. everyone was avoiding eye contact with me as well. i had witnessed this several times before, and whoever it was that everyone avoided at breakfast, either almost got beat to death and dragged out to the field, or deported, or simply vanished. in other words, they were marked and nobody else wanted to be around or affiliated with them in fear they may suffer as well. needless to say, my blood was running cold and i felt weak. "thats it, i pissed them off somehow, im done for" i thought. things started rolling across my mind. what if i just jumped up, threw my food at these ***-hats and started running as fast as i could into the glades? how far could i get? would they catch me? would i make it to the store where Jen was? maybe just jump in my car, start it up and nail the gas to the floor and get as far and fast away as i could before the engine seized? i know it would probably be okay for a few miles. maybe??
about half way through breakfast, Paul, Tee, and Larry all went outside to talk about something. i could see the soft amber glow of the cigar cherry and the smell that always enveloped bossman. i seriously felt doomed. i dont know how other folks feel, how they handle it, or know when they are very very close to death, but there is an extremely eerie feeling to it that you will absolutely know if its around you. i dont know if its just in the pit of the psyche of man when you know, or if its something real and truly sinister, an entity of doom, the grim reaper standing there, cold bony skeleton in the black hooded flowing robe, sickle and all that you just cant see. i guess none of us will truly know what it is until we die. i have experienced this feeling twice. once during a drug overdose years before, i had a situation where i shot a bit too much dope, blacked out, and woke up 2 days later with a ventilator tube down my throat, which was the main reason i ended up in south florida in the first place. my final days in orlando before moving to south florida, were very very dark. possibly some of the darkest of my life.
the end of 2005 was brutal. i had lost several of my best friends to car crashes and motorcycle wrecks. one at Lee Rd and Edgewater Drive, which is one of the deadliest intersections in Orlando. i knew someone that died there in 1999, then someone else in 2001 and 2003. someone i knows girlfriend died there crossing the road in 2004. all she wanted to do was grab a slice of pizza from the shop on the other side of the road. that cost her, her life. then there are countless other people i was not directly involved with or didn't know that have been killed there and still happen to this day. if youve lived in Orlando for a number of years, youll probably know someone that has had some kind of incident at Lee & Edgewater. i myself was rear ended by a woman there who was looking at herself in the mirror and not paying attention to the road and smacked right into the back of me. at the time i was driving a 1955 Pontiac with massive steel bumpers, and she was in a late model Honda accord. totaled the front of her car and barley put a scratch on mine. now today in 2019, that intersection bears the scars of so many tragedies. chunks missing from traffic light and utility poles where some car did a barrel roll into one of them, old skid marks from someone else doom on the other side and on the far north west corner, is a small patch of overgrown grass with several rickety faded from the weather and rotting white wood crosses with peoples names. i know 2 of them, now mostly forgotten and vanished into obscurity. by far though, the one crash that effected me deeply more then the others was the one where someone special to me lost her young life there. her name was Jordyn Popov, a short but slightly chubby girl from the Ukraine, with strawberry blonde hair died partially like a rainbow, electric green eyes with black eye liner, a tattoo sleeve and always wore lots of gold jewelry. she also happened to like brown sugar unfortunately which is how i met her. she was a trap queen who was ghetto and gutter as they got, but underneath her tough tried-so-hard-to be image, she was a real softie and we were real sweet on eachother. she still had a bit of the accent too. her family somehow managed to get out of there in 1988, when she was only 3 years old, but still carried a bit of personality from her roots. she came from a good home. grew up in a upper middle class household, her father was a civil engineer for Orange County and her mom was a paralegal. they lived in one of those nice two-story places on a lake with a white picket fence. the american dream you could say. Jordyn went to private schools, had the best of everything, but somehow she strayed away and ended up a hustler/dealer turned addict like myself. we grew up in the same neighborhood, but she had a different circle of friends then me and we really didn't know each other till later when we were both in our addiction together. before i got too deep into my own addiction i was selling dope and pills on the side to make some money. ill never forget the night i met her. i had stopped by my weight mans trap house to re-up he wasn't there. she answered the door which was surprising. i knocked on the back door, it flings open, "Geo aint here" she says and slams it in my face. i told her who i was thru the door. once she knew she let me in. smoking a blunt, she sat down on the couch, which was apparently where she was sleeping, as a bunch of her personal effects were there including a pile of childs stuffed animals which seemed odd considering this was the trap and she didnt have any kids that i was aware of, hair spray, a box of makeup and beauty products, as well as several needles, spoons and lighters. she had a real foul mouth, like overly foul, and looked like she could lunge at me any second and slit my throat, but damn she smelled good and as vile as this little thing was, sure was cute! i had been to this trap many times but this was the first id seen of her. apparently Geo had met her several days before at someone elses place, and she was a couch surfer who jumped from place to place. i handed her the cash and she handed me the bag of product, but when her eyes locked on mine, something happened. she smiled at me, dropped the tough ghetto girl attitude made a little small talk. i realized at that second i had made a connection with her, and a very strong one. she made sure she had my number "for geo" even though geo had my number already, but clearly this was for other reasons. as i was leaving she says "hey nice Lexus that your Lexus it looks really nice i have a bimmer its over there see my bimmer" -running all of her words together and pointing her finger with a ridiculously large fake nail covered in fake gemstones over to a dirty late model baby blue 328ci with balled tires and a crunched rear quarter panel "by the way im Jordyn" she says. "nice bimmer, jordyn" i said. she giggled and closed the door.
about a week later, it was 3am and i was sleeping, but my phone rang. i didnt recognize the number so i just silenced the ringer set the phone back on the night stand and started to drift back into sleep. just as i was fading out. i hear the phone vibrating again. i look over, my Motorazr was vibrating around on the glass top of my night stand, and i could see the number in the little front window. same one as a few minutes before. at this point i was getting aggravated. i quickly flipped open the phone and said "WHAT? if this isnt a beautiful girl or an emergancy, im gunna find out who you are and beat the crap out of you!" "is this bobby?" i hear on the other end. "yeah who this" i say. "um, its jordyn, at geos from the other day remember me?" suddenly my anger turned into integument. "oh hey babygirl whats up?" i suddenly say. "well, geo ****ed Tonya behind my back (another girl that frequented that circle) he got what he wanted, so i want to get what i want" "eh, yeah, sure what up then" i said. "eh, tomorrow we can chill?" she says in her kinda squeaky voice "yea aaight imma hit u up then how bout like 2ish" "okay sounds good sounds good great" then quickly hung up. i clicked the phone closed, laid back down and was kinda dumbfounded at what had just happened. did i want her? dear god yes. was i afraid of what Geo might do if he found out? -i was terrified. however, this chick wasnt really his girlfriend, just some party couch surfing trap queen hoe he was probably banging that just needed a place to crash. Geo was a textbook weight man trap star but i had known him awhile and we had become friends, however i also knew what happened to people that crossed him, and it never ended well for those that did. unfortunately i was thinking with my **** and not my head so yeah, the next day, i called her, went over to a park near by, where she was sitting in her car waiting for me. she jumped into my car, started talking about 100 miles a minute about this that and the other thing, about her car, my car all kinds of odd stuff that didnt really make much sense, then spent the rest of the afternoon smoking dope with her and doing pretty much everything and anything one could possibly imagine without cloths on, and it was good, however, she wasnt a lights on kind of girl at all. as i was touching her, i felt what seemed to be several scars on her back and arms. "Jordyn, whats.." "ignore it bobby ive just had a hard life" she says. her phone started ringing around 6. it was Geo, and he was pissed. i could hear him on the other end saying some rather unpleasant things to her and her saying "sorry daddy okay daddy" she hangs up the phone. "eh i really gotta go and like now it sucks and i dont wanna go but i gotta go" really didnt want her to honestly cause she was a goddess in bed and man it was great, but she quickly got dressed, cleaned herself up, and i took her back to her car. "bye bobby white lexus guy i wanna see you again really soon like real soon" and she drove off. well needless to say, i was pretty thrilled, and wanted her again. and well, we did, in the weeks that followed we did alot, maybe too much. we were absolute magnets to eachother. however, i started to feel guilty, cause Geo was my boy and here i am banging his girl behind his back constantly. my concerns was really starting to weigh on me and i felt worse and worse. i consulted with a few of my closest, what i should do, if anything. everyone agreed it was a terrifically bad idea to tell him what was going on, but somehow, he needed to know what was going on, even if it wasnt me. the next day, Jordyn wasnt around and Geo was leaning against his box chevy smoking a blunt talking to someone on the phone. i pull up in the driveway. "yo bobby what up bro lets smoke a blunt" we sit down in some lawn chairs in the yard, and i ask him, "geo, so whats up with this Jordyn chick thats been staying here" looks at me and says "why you wanna know whats it to you big dawg" "you guys a thing or she just a hoe you banging man" i say. Geo looks at me and says, "well, dawg, wasnt nuthin but a thing at first but i kinda catching feeling her. ive only known her about a month but theirs something about her" -now i went from feeling a little guilty to absolutely horrible. i felt like the ****ing devil for what i had been doing to my boy / weight man. i knew i was probably going to get my *** beat REAL bad at a minimum, as Geo was about 3x my size, but i had to put my own self preservation aside and pick up my real man card. "brother i gotta tell you something then" i say. -Geo puts the blunt out immediately and his demeanor changed completely "the **** you mean homie" he says. "big dawg, i dont know how else i can say this, but i been messing with her, and i didnt know if it was anything real or not." NOBODY crossed this guy, he was a true gang banger badass and could make people vanish if he wanted, and i felt like i had just signed my own death warrant. he looked at me, just stared at me, and cracked his neck. i started to move and he immediately pulled his 9mm out of the side pocket of his red monkey jeans and held it. "no you gunna sit right the **** here till we figure this out" he then starts pacing back and forth in front of me, scratching his forehead with his gun. i seriously thought i was going to die. i saw a tear come out of his eye and he started smashing the plastic lawn chair to bits that he had been sitting next to me in. NOBODY crossed this guy or had the ***** to. he then empties the entire clip from his gun about 5 feet from my head. just then, jordyn pulls up in her car. she knew something was going down. "Bobby, home boy. thanks for being real with me i dont know nobody else that is big enough of a man to admit that to another, you got *****, and i respect the **** out of you dawg, but you ****ed my girl, and you need to get in that damn car of yours and bounce the **** up outta here homie before i do something imma regret, and take Jordyns hoey *** wit u, and i mean now! bounce right the **** now! and i hope i dont never see yo *** again" as he was sniffling as not only he got crossed, but Jordyn had hurt his feelings. i slowly back away and motion to Jordyn to stay back "OH ****" she says "HE KNOWS". i turn to her and say, "Girly we need to get the hell out of here or Geo probably killing us both" she just shakes her head and quickly gets back in her car and throws it in reverse, as i did the same in mine. suddenly leo picks up a pipe and charges at her car with it "YOU ****IN HOE IMMA KILL YO *** YOU ****IN HOE!!!" with tires screaming and gravel flying, we both go right out into traffic, one car swerves to miss us and plows into a stop sign, as me and Jordyn basically run for our lives. felt bad about what happened, but it was what it was and i couldn't reverse it. Jordyn moved in with me immediately and what went from a simple FWB type thing was starting to blossom into a full blown romantic thing. something about her.. she was what i call an "it" girl. its like some people got it and some dont. not really sure how to describe the "it" but best i can is basically fall head over heels in love with someone you barley know, and just cant get enough of them. i know pretty much everyone has had an experience like that. in my almost 35 years, ive only me 3 "It" girls, two of which successfully destroyed my life. well, apparently she kinda felt the same way about me. we went everywhere and did everything together, like seriously attached to the hip to the point that even my friends and family thought it was a little excessive. she was super clingy and absolutley smothering, but i loved everything about her. see, Jordyn was a complicated girl. she had a good up bringing but in high school she went thru a major identity crisis and never really found herself. turned out the scars were from being shot and stabbed but she never really went into it much with me. she went from ghetto trap queen gangsta girl, to preppy girl, to emo girl, to juggalo, to hipster, to emo, back to gangster, to club girl where it was all about glow sticks and dropping acid. just about that whole summer was completley fogged out with drugs, using, selling, making, traveling all over getting stoned drunk blitzed we were always high on something. at the time i was also sort of holding down a job moonlighting telesales for a real estate agent, along with clubbing, trapping, and doing all kinds of other ****ery id rather forget about. well one night, we had a very close brush with what i believe was death and i mean, true death. it was my buddy Alex, Sean, my Jordyn and myself. we had been up pretty much all day drinking and acting like idiots, and in the evening we decided to drive to cocoa beach. theres two routes to cocoa. one being the 528 Beachline Expressway the other, Hwy 520 that the beachline replaced. i always liked the regular 520 route because it was in the middle of nowhere and well, i could basically drive as fast as i wanted. i hit the 155-160 mark several times out there on my way to cocoa. we made our way from downtown, stopping at peoples houses to the east side, to goldenrod, to bithlo. by the time we hit the 520 the sun had set. 520 had always been a narrow 2-lane highway, but urban sprawl had started to creep up by then, and it was being widened to 4 lanes and re-aligned as far as we could see there were flashing barricades. in my stooper i decided to go 140 and cut the lights off. we had slipknot blasting in the car, everyone is rolling to that as we are flying along, when i cut the lights and pushed the car as hard as it could possibly go. we all thought it was way cool like tron or something, as i was going so fast they all just blurred into single lines, until i cut the lights on and directly infront of me, was a sharp curve in the road and a giant concrete sewer pipe. panicking i swerved, and completely lost control of my LS400. you know what it feels like to loose control of a car at the better end of close to 200 mph? you dont. i did 5, 360s in the middle of the road, somehow not clipping anything. i dont know how i did it, because all of us should have died that night. the only thing i can think of is god. that is seriously it. by the time i got the car back under control, everything was dead silent, and freezing cold. even with the stereo blasting, the windows down with wind blowing like hell and it being 85 degrees, it was cold, silent, and freezing. friends in the back were both absolutley ashen looking like death. Jordyn was in tears, then started punching me in the arm screaming what an ******* i was, then crying more. the car stayed like that all the way to Cocoa Beach, cold and eerily quiet. when we got to the bridge that went over to the beachside, we stopped for a 12 pack of beer, and come back to the car, that feeling was still just hanging there. i 100% truly believe death was in the car with us that night, and that it wasnt finished with us honestly. we ended up having a great weekend at the beach and everything went back to normal, and quite frankly, me and Jordyn had a magical summer of love. well, one evening i was coming home from work and traffic was snarled for what seemed like a mile down Edgewater drive up to lee road. things just felt kinda "cold". only way i can describe it, even though it was 88 degrees outside "oh boy here we go again" i thought to myself as i leaned the seat back. clicked my phone on and noticed Jordyn hadnt called me yet or wasnt blowing up my phone yet with "i love you, i miss you, im horny, im whatever" texts and thought it was odd. well, i inched closer and closer to the intersection and could see about 1,000 emergency vehicle lights but nothing too obvious, however, as i got closer and closer, you know that feeling that you get in the back of your chest when you know something horrible is about to happen? it was happening and getting stronger. traffic again slowly crawled 15 feet or so, peoples brakes sqeaking, car a few up from mine had a trunk rattling playing what sounded like the latest 3/6 mafia album playing. and then, everything stopped. there in the middle of Lee Rd, was pieces of a car. not a whole car, more like 4 or 5 pieces. i could tell it was blue, and when i got closer i could tell it was a BMW. i litreally felt the life drain out of my body as i inched closer to the crash. and there, suddenly, i could see her beautiful rainbow hair, and her arm, crushed under a large piece of her car, matted in blood. i immediately got out of my car screaming in anguish "NO!!! NO NO!!!", the police and fire-rescue people got in front of me, restraining me from going to her. "FOR CHRIST SAKES COVER HER AT LEAST"!! it took 8 men to hold me down. i mean, she was just laying there dead on the pavement, in full view of everyone gawking and rubbernecking pointing and trying to take pics with their terrible flip phone cameras. it turns out she had wanted to surprise me at work. my roommate, Brian said later that she had got herself all dolled up, and wanted to go to a surprise dinner and a movie but her taking me instead of the other way around. like just something sweet and innocent. no drugs involved or other bad stuff. just a nice dinner and a movie. however, she was running late and wanted to meet me in the parking lot outside of my work. it was determined later she was traveling in access of 100 mph, trying to beat a red light, car going in the opposite direction cut in front of her, she cut the wheel missing him by mere inches, lost control and slammed head on into a large utility pole about 30 yards from the intersection. it happened so fast she probably didn't even feel pain. my Jordyn, my pretty little it girl from the Ukraine with the rainbow hair, was gone. i have experienced pain in my life and great loss, however that was by far the worst i have ever grieved. it still makes me feel upset as im typing this about her. i really think as strong of a bond as we had, i truly believe we would have ended up married and with a family today. i sit and wonder sometimes, what she would have looked like today at 34, as a mom with a few grey hairs, older, no more drugs or crap, just a normal woman, with a ring on her finger from me and a few kids running around. sadly she never got that chance, and is forever frozen at 20 years old. life isnt fair, it never has and it never will be, but Jordyn was so full of life and such a sweet girl, even with her drug problem and tough-girl persona she tried to pull with everyone she didnt know and that could be seen right through. on 7/27/05, a part of me, died that night. she was considered an embarrassment to her family, so they never really did much of anything but move on with their lives. there was no service, no anything. they didnt even pay to have her cremated and buried. honestly i dont even know where she is or what they did with her, but shes now just a blip on the radar for most, and mostly forgotten. really everything after that was a major downward spiral for me, i just drank and drugged myself numb and into oblivion. i didnt want to live, i just wanted to be with my girl. all i wanted was my girl. then, several more months passed and my two best friends in the world, who had been there for me and helped me get through the loss of Jordyn, were both killed on Christmas eve, which was the final blow. by Jan 06 i was a shell of a person. i had no will to live, no desire to do anything but shoot dope, numb and nod out, hoping i wouldnt wake up. then the day came that i didnt. it was 2/3/06, when i finally did succeed in drugging myself to death. by that point i had lost everything, my job, my house, all my play cars and nice stuff. i still had my old lexus but that was about it. i was living in my parents garage by then. doing nothing but shooting dope. and continually staying numb. well, on February 3rd, i shot the wrong bag, nodded out, and stopped breathing. when people die, or have a very close brush with death, youll hear about bright lights, visions of long dead loved ones and pets, meeting Jesus, feeling joyous. they are commonly referred to as an NDE. well, then theirs the other NDEs you dont hear so much about. when i stopped breathing, i went the other direction. first, i was choking, and felt scratchy, but i mean everywhere, down my throat, into my lungs into my bones, picture 1000 mosquito bites all itching all over you and everywhere. then everything transitioned into darkness, and i started falling, and i mean sky-diving grade falling and so fast, the wind was screaming so loud as i was falling it ripped my eardrums out. then i could see the bottom of the hole i was falling into, and it was full of long boney hands reaching up at me, when suddenly, WHAM! i wake up with a ventilator breathing for me. i had been gone 3 days. thank god my sister came out to the garage to get a CD from me, and did when she did, otherwise i wouldnt be typing this right now. they hit me with 5 shots of Narcan and it still didnt wake me up. i was declared legally dead for over a minute when my hart started beating again, but all signs pointed to no brain activity. by day 2, i had started to develop ventilator pneumonia, which is always almost fatal. my mother never left my side, never gave up, but my folks would have to make decisions soon as they couldn't keep me hooked up forever. they tried to convince my folks to unhook me that night, but they refused and well, i came out of it. because of that, i ended up going into rehab and cleaning my life up, which again put me back into the situation at hand, on the farm....
about half way through breakfast, Paul, Tee, and Larry all went outside to talk about something. i could see the soft amber glow of the cigar cherry and the smell that always enveloped bossman. i seriously felt doomed. i dont know how other folks feel, how they handle it, or know when they are very very close to death, but there is an extremely eerie feeling to it that you will absolutely know if its around you. i dont know if its just in the pit of the psyche of man when you know, or if its something real and truly sinister, an entity of doom, the grim reaper standing there, cold bony skeleton in the black hooded flowing robe, sickle and all that you just cant see. i guess none of us will truly know what it is until we die. i have experienced this feeling twice. once during a drug overdose years before, i had a situation where i shot a bit too much dope, blacked out, and woke up 2 days later with a ventilator tube down my throat, which was the main reason i ended up in south florida in the first place. my final days in orlando before moving to south florida, were very very dark. possibly some of the darkest of my life.
the end of 2005 was brutal. i had lost several of my best friends to car crashes and motorcycle wrecks. one at Lee Rd and Edgewater Drive, which is one of the deadliest intersections in Orlando. i knew someone that died there in 1999, then someone else in 2001 and 2003. someone i knows girlfriend died there crossing the road in 2004. all she wanted to do was grab a slice of pizza from the shop on the other side of the road. that cost her, her life. then there are countless other people i was not directly involved with or didn't know that have been killed there and still happen to this day. if youve lived in Orlando for a number of years, youll probably know someone that has had some kind of incident at Lee & Edgewater. i myself was rear ended by a woman there who was looking at herself in the mirror and not paying attention to the road and smacked right into the back of me. at the time i was driving a 1955 Pontiac with massive steel bumpers, and she was in a late model Honda accord. totaled the front of her car and barley put a scratch on mine. now today in 2019, that intersection bears the scars of so many tragedies. chunks missing from traffic light and utility poles where some car did a barrel roll into one of them, old skid marks from someone else doom on the other side and on the far north west corner, is a small patch of overgrown grass with several rickety faded from the weather and rotting white wood crosses with peoples names. i know 2 of them, now mostly forgotten and vanished into obscurity. by far though, the one crash that effected me deeply more then the others was the one where someone special to me lost her young life there. her name was Jordyn Popov, a short but slightly chubby girl from the Ukraine, with strawberry blonde hair died partially like a rainbow, electric green eyes with black eye liner, a tattoo sleeve and always wore lots of gold jewelry. she also happened to like brown sugar unfortunately which is how i met her. she was a trap queen who was ghetto and gutter as they got, but underneath her tough tried-so-hard-to be image, she was a real softie and we were real sweet on eachother. she still had a bit of the accent too. her family somehow managed to get out of there in 1988, when she was only 3 years old, but still carried a bit of personality from her roots. she came from a good home. grew up in a upper middle class household, her father was a civil engineer for Orange County and her mom was a paralegal. they lived in one of those nice two-story places on a lake with a white picket fence. the american dream you could say. Jordyn went to private schools, had the best of everything, but somehow she strayed away and ended up a hustler/dealer turned addict like myself. we grew up in the same neighborhood, but she had a different circle of friends then me and we really didn't know each other till later when we were both in our addiction together. before i got too deep into my own addiction i was selling dope and pills on the side to make some money. ill never forget the night i met her. i had stopped by my weight mans trap house to re-up he wasn't there. she answered the door which was surprising. i knocked on the back door, it flings open, "Geo aint here" she says and slams it in my face. i told her who i was thru the door. once she knew she let me in. smoking a blunt, she sat down on the couch, which was apparently where she was sleeping, as a bunch of her personal effects were there including a pile of childs stuffed animals which seemed odd considering this was the trap and she didnt have any kids that i was aware of, hair spray, a box of makeup and beauty products, as well as several needles, spoons and lighters. she had a real foul mouth, like overly foul, and looked like she could lunge at me any second and slit my throat, but damn she smelled good and as vile as this little thing was, sure was cute! i had been to this trap many times but this was the first id seen of her. apparently Geo had met her several days before at someone elses place, and she was a couch surfer who jumped from place to place. i handed her the cash and she handed me the bag of product, but when her eyes locked on mine, something happened. she smiled at me, dropped the tough ghetto girl attitude made a little small talk. i realized at that second i had made a connection with her, and a very strong one. she made sure she had my number "for geo" even though geo had my number already, but clearly this was for other reasons. as i was leaving she says "hey nice Lexus that your Lexus it looks really nice i have a bimmer its over there see my bimmer" -running all of her words together and pointing her finger with a ridiculously large fake nail covered in fake gemstones over to a dirty late model baby blue 328ci with balled tires and a crunched rear quarter panel "by the way im Jordyn" she says. "nice bimmer, jordyn" i said. she giggled and closed the door.
about a week later, it was 3am and i was sleeping, but my phone rang. i didnt recognize the number so i just silenced the ringer set the phone back on the night stand and started to drift back into sleep. just as i was fading out. i hear the phone vibrating again. i look over, my Motorazr was vibrating around on the glass top of my night stand, and i could see the number in the little front window. same one as a few minutes before. at this point i was getting aggravated. i quickly flipped open the phone and said "WHAT? if this isnt a beautiful girl or an emergancy, im gunna find out who you are and beat the crap out of you!" "is this bobby?" i hear on the other end. "yeah who this" i say. "um, its jordyn, at geos from the other day remember me?" suddenly my anger turned into integument. "oh hey babygirl whats up?" i suddenly say. "well, geo ****ed Tonya behind my back (another girl that frequented that circle) he got what he wanted, so i want to get what i want" "eh, yeah, sure what up then" i said. "eh, tomorrow we can chill?" she says in her kinda squeaky voice "yea aaight imma hit u up then how bout like 2ish" "okay sounds good sounds good great" then quickly hung up. i clicked the phone closed, laid back down and was kinda dumbfounded at what had just happened. did i want her? dear god yes. was i afraid of what Geo might do if he found out? -i was terrified. however, this chick wasnt really his girlfriend, just some party couch surfing trap queen hoe he was probably banging that just needed a place to crash. Geo was a textbook weight man trap star but i had known him awhile and we had become friends, however i also knew what happened to people that crossed him, and it never ended well for those that did. unfortunately i was thinking with my **** and not my head so yeah, the next day, i called her, went over to a park near by, where she was sitting in her car waiting for me. she jumped into my car, started talking about 100 miles a minute about this that and the other thing, about her car, my car all kinds of odd stuff that didnt really make much sense, then spent the rest of the afternoon smoking dope with her and doing pretty much everything and anything one could possibly imagine without cloths on, and it was good, however, she wasnt a lights on kind of girl at all. as i was touching her, i felt what seemed to be several scars on her back and arms. "Jordyn, whats.." "ignore it bobby ive just had a hard life" she says. her phone started ringing around 6. it was Geo, and he was pissed. i could hear him on the other end saying some rather unpleasant things to her and her saying "sorry daddy okay daddy" she hangs up the phone. "eh i really gotta go and like now it sucks and i dont wanna go but i gotta go" really didnt want her to honestly cause she was a goddess in bed and man it was great, but she quickly got dressed, cleaned herself up, and i took her back to her car. "bye bobby white lexus guy i wanna see you again really soon like real soon" and she drove off. well needless to say, i was pretty thrilled, and wanted her again. and well, we did, in the weeks that followed we did alot, maybe too much. we were absolute magnets to eachother. however, i started to feel guilty, cause Geo was my boy and here i am banging his girl behind his back constantly. my concerns was really starting to weigh on me and i felt worse and worse. i consulted with a few of my closest, what i should do, if anything. everyone agreed it was a terrifically bad idea to tell him what was going on, but somehow, he needed to know what was going on, even if it wasnt me. the next day, Jordyn wasnt around and Geo was leaning against his box chevy smoking a blunt talking to someone on the phone. i pull up in the driveway. "yo bobby what up bro lets smoke a blunt" we sit down in some lawn chairs in the yard, and i ask him, "geo, so whats up with this Jordyn chick thats been staying here" looks at me and says "why you wanna know whats it to you big dawg" "you guys a thing or she just a hoe you banging man" i say. Geo looks at me and says, "well, dawg, wasnt nuthin but a thing at first but i kinda catching feeling her. ive only known her about a month but theirs something about her" -now i went from feeling a little guilty to absolutely horrible. i felt like the ****ing devil for what i had been doing to my boy / weight man. i knew i was probably going to get my *** beat REAL bad at a minimum, as Geo was about 3x my size, but i had to put my own self preservation aside and pick up my real man card. "brother i gotta tell you something then" i say. -Geo puts the blunt out immediately and his demeanor changed completely "the **** you mean homie" he says. "big dawg, i dont know how else i can say this, but i been messing with her, and i didnt know if it was anything real or not." NOBODY crossed this guy, he was a true gang banger badass and could make people vanish if he wanted, and i felt like i had just signed my own death warrant. he looked at me, just stared at me, and cracked his neck. i started to move and he immediately pulled his 9mm out of the side pocket of his red monkey jeans and held it. "no you gunna sit right the **** here till we figure this out" he then starts pacing back and forth in front of me, scratching his forehead with his gun. i seriously thought i was going to die. i saw a tear come out of his eye and he started smashing the plastic lawn chair to bits that he had been sitting next to me in. NOBODY crossed this guy or had the ***** to. he then empties the entire clip from his gun about 5 feet from my head. just then, jordyn pulls up in her car. she knew something was going down. "Bobby, home boy. thanks for being real with me i dont know nobody else that is big enough of a man to admit that to another, you got *****, and i respect the **** out of you dawg, but you ****ed my girl, and you need to get in that damn car of yours and bounce the **** up outta here homie before i do something imma regret, and take Jordyns hoey *** wit u, and i mean now! bounce right the **** now! and i hope i dont never see yo *** again" as he was sniffling as not only he got crossed, but Jordyn had hurt his feelings. i slowly back away and motion to Jordyn to stay back "OH ****" she says "HE KNOWS". i turn to her and say, "Girly we need to get the hell out of here or Geo probably killing us both" she just shakes her head and quickly gets back in her car and throws it in reverse, as i did the same in mine. suddenly leo picks up a pipe and charges at her car with it "YOU ****IN HOE IMMA KILL YO *** YOU ****IN HOE!!!" with tires screaming and gravel flying, we both go right out into traffic, one car swerves to miss us and plows into a stop sign, as me and Jordyn basically run for our lives. felt bad about what happened, but it was what it was and i couldn't reverse it. Jordyn moved in with me immediately and what went from a simple FWB type thing was starting to blossom into a full blown romantic thing. something about her.. she was what i call an "it" girl. its like some people got it and some dont. not really sure how to describe the "it" but best i can is basically fall head over heels in love with someone you barley know, and just cant get enough of them. i know pretty much everyone has had an experience like that. in my almost 35 years, ive only me 3 "It" girls, two of which successfully destroyed my life. well, apparently she kinda felt the same way about me. we went everywhere and did everything together, like seriously attached to the hip to the point that even my friends and family thought it was a little excessive. she was super clingy and absolutley smothering, but i loved everything about her. see, Jordyn was a complicated girl. she had a good up bringing but in high school she went thru a major identity crisis and never really found herself. turned out the scars were from being shot and stabbed but she never really went into it much with me. she went from ghetto trap queen gangsta girl, to preppy girl, to emo girl, to juggalo, to hipster, to emo, back to gangster, to club girl where it was all about glow sticks and dropping acid. just about that whole summer was completley fogged out with drugs, using, selling, making, traveling all over getting stoned drunk blitzed we were always high on something. at the time i was also sort of holding down a job moonlighting telesales for a real estate agent, along with clubbing, trapping, and doing all kinds of other ****ery id rather forget about. well one night, we had a very close brush with what i believe was death and i mean, true death. it was my buddy Alex, Sean, my Jordyn and myself. we had been up pretty much all day drinking and acting like idiots, and in the evening we decided to drive to cocoa beach. theres two routes to cocoa. one being the 528 Beachline Expressway the other, Hwy 520 that the beachline replaced. i always liked the regular 520 route because it was in the middle of nowhere and well, i could basically drive as fast as i wanted. i hit the 155-160 mark several times out there on my way to cocoa. we made our way from downtown, stopping at peoples houses to the east side, to goldenrod, to bithlo. by the time we hit the 520 the sun had set. 520 had always been a narrow 2-lane highway, but urban sprawl had started to creep up by then, and it was being widened to 4 lanes and re-aligned as far as we could see there were flashing barricades. in my stooper i decided to go 140 and cut the lights off. we had slipknot blasting in the car, everyone is rolling to that as we are flying along, when i cut the lights and pushed the car as hard as it could possibly go. we all thought it was way cool like tron or something, as i was going so fast they all just blurred into single lines, until i cut the lights on and directly infront of me, was a sharp curve in the road and a giant concrete sewer pipe. panicking i swerved, and completely lost control of my LS400. you know what it feels like to loose control of a car at the better end of close to 200 mph? you dont. i did 5, 360s in the middle of the road, somehow not clipping anything. i dont know how i did it, because all of us should have died that night. the only thing i can think of is god. that is seriously it. by the time i got the car back under control, everything was dead silent, and freezing cold. even with the stereo blasting, the windows down with wind blowing like hell and it being 85 degrees, it was cold, silent, and freezing. friends in the back were both absolutley ashen looking like death. Jordyn was in tears, then started punching me in the arm screaming what an ******* i was, then crying more. the car stayed like that all the way to Cocoa Beach, cold and eerily quiet. when we got to the bridge that went over to the beachside, we stopped for a 12 pack of beer, and come back to the car, that feeling was still just hanging there. i 100% truly believe death was in the car with us that night, and that it wasnt finished with us honestly. we ended up having a great weekend at the beach and everything went back to normal, and quite frankly, me and Jordyn had a magical summer of love. well, one evening i was coming home from work and traffic was snarled for what seemed like a mile down Edgewater drive up to lee road. things just felt kinda "cold". only way i can describe it, even though it was 88 degrees outside "oh boy here we go again" i thought to myself as i leaned the seat back. clicked my phone on and noticed Jordyn hadnt called me yet or wasnt blowing up my phone yet with "i love you, i miss you, im horny, im whatever" texts and thought it was odd. well, i inched closer and closer to the intersection and could see about 1,000 emergency vehicle lights but nothing too obvious, however, as i got closer and closer, you know that feeling that you get in the back of your chest when you know something horrible is about to happen? it was happening and getting stronger. traffic again slowly crawled 15 feet or so, peoples brakes sqeaking, car a few up from mine had a trunk rattling playing what sounded like the latest 3/6 mafia album playing. and then, everything stopped. there in the middle of Lee Rd, was pieces of a car. not a whole car, more like 4 or 5 pieces. i could tell it was blue, and when i got closer i could tell it was a BMW. i litreally felt the life drain out of my body as i inched closer to the crash. and there, suddenly, i could see her beautiful rainbow hair, and her arm, crushed under a large piece of her car, matted in blood. i immediately got out of my car screaming in anguish "NO!!! NO NO!!!", the police and fire-rescue people got in front of me, restraining me from going to her. "FOR CHRIST SAKES COVER HER AT LEAST"!! it took 8 men to hold me down. i mean, she was just laying there dead on the pavement, in full view of everyone gawking and rubbernecking pointing and trying to take pics with their terrible flip phone cameras. it turns out she had wanted to surprise me at work. my roommate, Brian said later that she had got herself all dolled up, and wanted to go to a surprise dinner and a movie but her taking me instead of the other way around. like just something sweet and innocent. no drugs involved or other bad stuff. just a nice dinner and a movie. however, she was running late and wanted to meet me in the parking lot outside of my work. it was determined later she was traveling in access of 100 mph, trying to beat a red light, car going in the opposite direction cut in front of her, she cut the wheel missing him by mere inches, lost control and slammed head on into a large utility pole about 30 yards from the intersection. it happened so fast she probably didn't even feel pain. my Jordyn, my pretty little it girl from the Ukraine with the rainbow hair, was gone. i have experienced pain in my life and great loss, however that was by far the worst i have ever grieved. it still makes me feel upset as im typing this about her. i really think as strong of a bond as we had, i truly believe we would have ended up married and with a family today. i sit and wonder sometimes, what she would have looked like today at 34, as a mom with a few grey hairs, older, no more drugs or crap, just a normal woman, with a ring on her finger from me and a few kids running around. sadly she never got that chance, and is forever frozen at 20 years old. life isnt fair, it never has and it never will be, but Jordyn was so full of life and such a sweet girl, even with her drug problem and tough-girl persona she tried to pull with everyone she didnt know and that could be seen right through. on 7/27/05, a part of me, died that night. she was considered an embarrassment to her family, so they never really did much of anything but move on with their lives. there was no service, no anything. they didnt even pay to have her cremated and buried. honestly i dont even know where she is or what they did with her, but shes now just a blip on the radar for most, and mostly forgotten. really everything after that was a major downward spiral for me, i just drank and drugged myself numb and into oblivion. i didnt want to live, i just wanted to be with my girl. all i wanted was my girl. then, several more months passed and my two best friends in the world, who had been there for me and helped me get through the loss of Jordyn, were both killed on Christmas eve, which was the final blow. by Jan 06 i was a shell of a person. i had no will to live, no desire to do anything but shoot dope, numb and nod out, hoping i wouldnt wake up. then the day came that i didnt. it was 2/3/06, when i finally did succeed in drugging myself to death. by that point i had lost everything, my job, my house, all my play cars and nice stuff. i still had my old lexus but that was about it. i was living in my parents garage by then. doing nothing but shooting dope. and continually staying numb. well, on February 3rd, i shot the wrong bag, nodded out, and stopped breathing. when people die, or have a very close brush with death, youll hear about bright lights, visions of long dead loved ones and pets, meeting Jesus, feeling joyous. they are commonly referred to as an NDE. well, then theirs the other NDEs you dont hear so much about. when i stopped breathing, i went the other direction. first, i was choking, and felt scratchy, but i mean everywhere, down my throat, into my lungs into my bones, picture 1000 mosquito bites all itching all over you and everywhere. then everything transitioned into darkness, and i started falling, and i mean sky-diving grade falling and so fast, the wind was screaming so loud as i was falling it ripped my eardrums out. then i could see the bottom of the hole i was falling into, and it was full of long boney hands reaching up at me, when suddenly, WHAM! i wake up with a ventilator breathing for me. i had been gone 3 days. thank god my sister came out to the garage to get a CD from me, and did when she did, otherwise i wouldnt be typing this right now. they hit me with 5 shots of Narcan and it still didnt wake me up. i was declared legally dead for over a minute when my hart started beating again, but all signs pointed to no brain activity. by day 2, i had started to develop ventilator pneumonia, which is always almost fatal. my mother never left my side, never gave up, but my folks would have to make decisions soon as they couldn't keep me hooked up forever. they tried to convince my folks to unhook me that night, but they refused and well, i came out of it. because of that, i ended up going into rehab and cleaning my life up, which again put me back into the situation at hand, on the farm....
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