Tricked into fatherhood and the women who justify it

[Lil4X]

If you are having vaginal sex, there is no guarantee you will not impregnate the woman. All contraceptives have their failure points, and statistically you roll the dice with every sexual contact.

The question then, is one of responsibility. Would you consider starting a family with the woman currently sharing your bed? If not, why not? Your momentary pleasure and ego-fulfillment is being gambled against the new life you may be creating. But there are other issues involved in promiscuity. If you do it just because it feels good, gives you a sense of power and conquest, you are falling into a trap of your own making. You are genetically programmed for this, but there is a heavy price involved.

• You are sharing your deepest intimacy with a person who probably doesn't deserve it. How will this relationship be any different than that you eventually share with your wife?
  
  
• You are letting someone into the deepest part of your memory - someone who will always be present in your marriage bed. How do you feel about your wife's recalling old lovers when the two of you are most intimate? Neither of you need those ghosts.
  
  
• You are forming powerful bonds that you will eventually break - probably at the cost of a great deal of pain. Is she worth it?

Not to belabor the point, but there are serious psychological effects that relate to sex. The drive to reproduce is deeply ingrained in all animals, and humans are certainly no exception. It is pleasurable because we are engineered to WANT to have sex, which leads to eventual population increase. Once upon a time when infant mortality was high and lifespans were short, we needed "replacements" to keep the community moving. Were sex painful or deadly, as it is in some species, our population would have plateaued or even decreased many generations ago.

Now, it's possible to father children practically all your adult life - except we have some medical products and devices (and no small amount of folklore) to prevent pregnancy or at least make pregnancy a less-likely outcome. Still, it is ALWAYS a possibility. If you do not wish to become a father, particularly with your current selection of sleeping-partner, you need to consider other solutions.

Rather than just seek out sex, consider what other attributes you desire in a mate. Every woman is equipped with the mechanism for sex. Look first for a friend with whom you share common values, goals, interests, commitments, and aspirations. Find someone you can communicate with, who listens to you, and to whom you listen as well. If sex is your primary goal, you don't have the maturity as yet to be trusted with a loaded weapon.

[Habious]

The issue I have is...

If she gets pregnant and it's not HER choice, she can choose...without your consent...to end the pregnancy.

If she gets pregnant and it's not YOUR choice, you have absolutely no say in ending the pregnancy...it's her choice, and hers alone.

And if she chooses to have the child, it's YOUR financial responsibility to pay.

I should be allowed to offer to pay for the abortion, if it wasn't by my choice. If she declines the abortion, that decision should forfeit all of my financial responsibilities.

[DavidinCT]

Originally Posted by Habious

The issue I have is...

If she gets pregnant and it's not HER choice, she can choose...without your consent...to end the pregnancy.

If she gets pregnant and it's not YOUR choice, you have absolutely no say in ending the pregnancy...it's her choice, and hers alone.

And if she chooses to have the child, it's YOUR financial responsibility to pay.

I should be allowed to offer to pay for the abortion, if it wasn't by my choice. If she declines the abortion, that decision should forfeit all of my financial responsibilities.

You know, I kind of agree here. It's something both people should decide on but, in the end the Woman has all the say. There should be legal things to protect men but, they all favor women. I've seen too many cases where a man gets trapped because of what I woman has said...

Just my 0.02....

[powerwave]

habious, that's just part of the trappings of life. she is the one who is faced with the physical burdens of pregnancy and childbirth, and the inherent risks to her own health. we can't do much about that biology. so she makes the decisions for her body, period. if that's a problem, don't put yourself in the situation where someone else's choice will affect your life as such.

frankly, imo, both people involved have accepted the risk by doing the deed. there is no fail-safe way to have sex that does not result in pregnancy. everything has its failure rate. having made that acknowledgment, it's called responsibility. i was unplanned, and my dad may not have been involved but he was man enough to accept responsibility for his contribution to my existence, and pay the child support.

if you don't want the responsibility, don't do the deed.

[ashtray]

im guessing no one saw the Auto-erotica Asphyxiation link right underneath? now thats strange lol

[Habious]

I totally agree that "it's her body...her choice". However, if SHE makes a decision that I don't agree with, SHE should have to deal with the financial burden.

Using this logic, it's reasonable for my girlfriend to decide to buy a house, and make me pay for half the mortgage.

[powerwave]

the difference between the mortgage and the pregnancy is that she presumably bought the house by herself. in the case of pregnancy, she can't do that by herself.

[Kyle Harty]

I'm always amazed by how many people use the pull out method, can't believe all of them never heard that it doesn't work.

[MPLexus301]

A woman did this to my dad a few years ago (dollar signs in her eyes) and it has been pure hell ever since.

Yes, my parents have been divorced for a long time.

[1SICKLEX]

This thread has epic potential....

[GS wanted]

Originally Posted by 1SICKLEX

This thread has epic potential....

...it's already produced a couple epic chuckles.

[Brian231]

I once dated a trapper like that and caught on fast. Thank God, I could have been screwed also. She wanted a kid so bad, that was all she ever talked about. Even after the first week of dating.

[Black Fire]

^^^ now THATs a turnoff fosho!

[lobuxracer]

It's her decision if you decide you've got to do it no matter what lies she tells you about fertility or contraception. You get to pay. You don't get to decide. Something like $100k over 18 years or so. Not like I would know anything about that...

I can tell you in California child support is 25% of your after tax income for the first child up to $3000 a month income, and 10% of anything over $3k a month. It's really expensive and completely unrelated to the child's needs. It's a wealth redistribution plan.

[MissyLexxx]

I've always wondered why men cant just keep their pants on, i mean, that would end all of these problems in the first place! & think about the children having to grow up with a deadbeat dad, d-bags always just thinks about themselves. end of rant... thank u 4 listening!