Kaius88

This may or may not have anything to do with the ES350 topic..... you'll decide. A series of events happened to me yesterday that prevented me from logging on. For those of you who are kinda bummed about car stuff, such as dings here, scratches there, and SUV hit-and-runs, lemme tell you what happened to me yesterday kinda put all these things in a different light, as cars are mere material objects, while a ruined life is irreparable.

Part I:
Took a little stroll with the family in the morning. Everything was going well, until wife and I started having a stupid little argument about the recent Highlander recall that requires owner to have the front floormat adjusted so it doesnt touch the gas peddle by accident. I claimed that I told her about it, and she said I never did. Well, one thing lead to another, and the baby spilt Honey Dew Frapacinno all over the highlander. Wife was mad, and turned the steering wheel and made me swirve and almost caused the SUV to flip over. I gained control....got home safely. Then I got mad, and told her that she just jeopardized our whole family for a stupid little argument. She threw a shoe at my face, then said "what are you going to do? I dare you to hit me". I told her that's enough and attempted to shove her lightly. Because of the adrenaline at the moment, I accidentally shoved her too hard across the kitchen and she hit her hip against the stove. Before this i had never laid a hand on her in the last 14 years we've known each other (7 years of marriage). She cried in pain and the baby got scared. She left the house yelling "this marriage is over....im going to the doctor right now and you're going to get arrested or sued or whatever you deserve...." I took the baby, calmed her down, and put her to nap. I was hurt.... I regretted shoving her. My life was over....

Part II:
Baby woke up from nap....happy as a button. Wife came back from doctor. Diagnosis is bruised kidney and bruised right hip thru gluteal region. She is put to bed rest for the next coupla weeks. It was kinda serious. She told me "you are in charge of all baby duties from now till the court date". That's fine. The baby needs caring when momma's hurt. It's my fault. Baby wanted pizza, so I took her to Chuck E Cheeses so she can play and eat. Was having a good time until a hispanic 3-year-old ran smack into her. My baby cried, but not hurt. I yelled at the kid "WATCH IT!" as he zoomed by. A minute later, that kid came back crying and brought over his mom. Apparently he told his mom I pulled his ear. The mom came at me and said, "did you just hurt my son?" I replied, "I didn't touch him." Then she asked the kid in spanish, and the kid pointed at me. I was getting annoyed.
I told her "he ran into my daughter...I didnt touch him". Then she said "I hope you didn't". Then her husband, a big dude with a zillion tatooes, came and looked at me. I stared him down. If it were any other day, I would have backed off for the sake of not wanting to get beat up, but not yesterday.... My life was basically over......I had no fear in me. If he wanted to start something i'd probably fight him till one of us dies. He went back to his table...his wife was fuming. He said to his wife, "what ya want me to do, hit him?". So then I took my baby and went to another area, and had pizza and fries. I was thinking what rotten parents those were, and that kid was gonna grow up to be a hinder on society. He's better off dead early on in life....

Part III:
Took my baby to the park this morning. She wanted to play on the swing. As I pushed her swing, i couldnt help but sob..... The courts in california are very harsh on wife beaters.... There's a good chance I'd never see my baby again. I'd lose half of everything I own, which I dont really care. It would kill me if I cant see my daughter everyday. Got home and wife was telling me we gotta start planning the separation... She claims that things went downhill ever since i got the new job last year, and thing sgot aggrevated after I got the new car. I dont know what to say....

To be continued...

PaJaHa1

Wow, this is some real-life *****..

Things like this really do make our dings and tranny problems seem petty. Just try to stay strong be positive throughout the whole ordeal. The worst thing you could do at this point is aggravate the situation by being negative. Keep in mind what's at stake here- your child. Not being married myself, it's hard for me to advise any further than that.

I've always believed that God will only hand a person as much adversity as they can handle. Based on the events that have happened to you, it must mean that you are strong and I really think things will work out for you so long as you keep your head up.

I'm glad that you feel comfortable with sharing the situation with us on the board here. Though we are all different ages and different stages in life, our passion for the ES350 has created a place for us to come and interact with each other about everything and anything. Love ClubLexus!!

Hope you are having a better day today!


ps: I never thought I would reference God on a Lexus forum!

Macklin

Kaius, you start the most interesting threads, but this is not what I was expecting. So sorry dude! Do you think there is any chance your wife will reconsider her decision?

twister

Ouch I really didn't expect to read this, and was hoping for some interesting "Kaius88" story but in a different sense. I really don't know what to say. I usually don't take sides in such arguments because this was just your side of the story. But, it sounds very honest and sincere. It was not cool that you pushed your wife, but I can see how this moment escalated and boiled up to this from the moment of your "highlander" fight....

I don't know your whole 14-year old history, but you mentioned this is the first time it ever happened. Is this enough to just file for a divorce? You probably need to see some kind of a couple's therapist or marriage counselor. Remember how your whole fight with ES350 ended up? There is a lot of anger in the air of your household. Maybe 2 weeks of bed rest and your wife pampering can soften this? Of course, all this does sound serious, and you might need to consult your lawyer as well

Or maybe, this all happened for a reason? Of course, not to hurt your wife, I'm glad she is OK. But, as a sign that you guys were not meant for each other, even after 14 years of testing this relationship... Ironically, just like you got a second chance with your new car, the same could be applied to a personal life


Twister (wannabe apprentice of Dr Phil )

rx7_fan

Damn that sucks man, I hope everything is okay.

Mr. M

Kaius88, I feel sad for you and for your daughter

I hope things work out and your wife change her dicision. if not for you, for her daughter who will suffer from such dicision.

cocopops

iTrader: (1)

This is a very sad story. I hope for the best of you Kaius (also for your wife and daughter). Be optimistic, things might not be as bad as you thought. Keep your minds straight and be sincere when you are caring for your wife. I am sure she will sense that and might mellow down. I mean you and her has known each other for 14 years (married for 7 years) and I am sure they are a lot more happy moments that will overcome this.

Lexucan

Does the fact that your wife resorted to violence first (i.e. throwing an object at you) have any bearing on the present situation? If it doesn't, it should, IMO. Whether or not she was successful, she INTENDED to inflict injury on you.
I sincerely hope everything works out for the best, which may or may not mean a reconciliation between the two of you. My concern is for your daughter, who shouldn't have to grow up in a household in which her parents are always at each other's throats.
And on a less serious note - should the time come when you and your wife go your separate ways, and you start a new life, I think you should consider changing careers and becoming a writer of reality t.v. shows.

Lexucan (wannabe assistant to Dr. Twister)

PsychDoc

Your wife sound like a thoroughly unreasonable, unyielding harpy who is consumed by rage 99% of the time.

I know this sounds harsh but I believe you and your daughter will be far, far better off without the two of you remaining together. More than likely she will retain physical custody but that can still be a very workable solution for the both of you as long as neither of you make your ultimate goal the ruination of the other at the expense of your daughter's mental health and equilibrium.

Believe me, if this goes the route of a divorce, you'll look back at this five years from now and kiss the ground that gave rise to this.

Gumball

My qualifications:-

I'm 70 y/o (lots of gray hair)
Married 47 yrs (same woman)
2 kids
5 grandkids
Retired primary care MD (did a lot of family counseling)

My advice: - apologize profusely. Both of you get anger management help. An attorney only if all else fails. Life’s rewards usually come later and they are substantial for those who see it through and learn mutual respect.

I’m supposed to pick up an ES 350 UL tomorrow (hoping it was built in July)

Cali_Girl

Kaiusa88, I can relate to your story.....reminds me of my roller coaster life with my husband. We had a big argument a few years ago after one year of marriage. It was a combination of our change in life style from being single to marriage and kid. It was like those carefree days long disappear to life of overwhelming chaos from demand of a colicky infant. Anyway, long story.....we had a big fight ....both exhausted from work, newly married life, and infant.....led to things that shouldn't have been said. I felt he was lazy and didn't take part of the daily responsibility as a father. I worked too and deserved a little break once in a while. I got fed up and cried DIVORCE...WANT OUT OF MARRIAGE. He got mad, felt he wasted 3 years with me all to end up throwing it all away. That was the first time I wanted out of the marriage. Felt that way since the infant was born, but I kept it all inside me. Just that night, out of months of frustrations, had to get it off my chest. The explosion came, and his rage came out. Lifted the basinet (baby was fortunately, not inside) and threw it across the living room shattering the glass of my curio case. I was fortunately not anywhere near the curio case. Although that basinet was not intended to be thrown directly at me, he used the curio case as a target to let out his anger. Me: Fear for my life, quickly grabbed the baby, ran up the stairs to the bedroom and locked myself and baby in and dialed 911. Cops came and questioned him. We all talked. He confessed he lost his temper. Never realizing I felt this way all along....never even communicated to him about my feelings. He said all I had to do was communicate what was hurting inside me. He thought I liked being busy with the infant and never wanted his help. He felt neglected by me and somewhat jealous of the infant. Anyway, sorry to go over board with this....but things can work out for the two of you. Worked out for me. Professional marriage counselor was recommended. We had a few sessions.... talked about our wants, needs, and expectations of one another. Compromise was one of the keys things they talked to us about, with honest communication being on the top spot. We've been married for 10 years now, and never been more happier. Had two boys together.

For you, I sense this was a build up of tension for years....suddenly came out due to finance (your switch from one ES to another without really consulting her and tossing the hard earned $4K down the toilet), new job (probably more responsibility that created more stress in your life - just guessing), and life with an addition to the family (your daughter and maybe your wife's post-partum depression....believe me, many women get them whether they believe it or not). So.......seek a marriage conselor. They do wonders. It saved my marriage. Always tell her you love her and spend quality time together without the baby. Take her to a nice dinner and treat each other. And most of all......communicate.

Trexus

I feel for you Kaius88. You seem like a really cool dude and you always have the most interesting topics on this ES thread.

All I can say is try to work it out with your wife. Divorce can get messy and in the end will it be worth it? If the both of you really Love each other then it can be worked out. Communication is key.

I remember when I was a child and one time our whole family was riding in the car and my father was driving, my parent's were arguing and I remember my mother being very frustrated and she reached over and turned the steering wheel just like your wife did when you were driving the Highlander and my father said "why did you do that"? "Do you want us to get into an accident?" Sometimes it's really hard to understand women.

I believe we are around the same age and the it's really hard to find a good quality woman at this stage in our lives. I'm still single and just when I thought I found a great woman, I was wrong. I'm sure you wife is a wonderful person, mother and partner so try to work it out...

Kaius88

I TRULY APPRECIATE the moral support, and your taking the time to read my long post. It's interesting how this ES350 falls right in the middle of a crossroad in my life, and you are all witnessing it (per se) first hand. I'm sure everyone has his or her own unique frustrations, happiness, sadness, and history. I apologize for using this forum to express my feelings, but I feel this place is the only place where I can be honest and genuine through the veil of anonymity. I really appreciate the input and reactions. I value your words more than anything.

I noticed there are some parallels in Cali_girl's experiences. She nailed all the assumptions in the head. Indeed my wife had postpartum depression, which was triggered by our daughter's birth defect (cleft lip). Even though the cleft was repaired and the baby looks absolutely beautiful and normal, the whole trauma lingers on. The baby has been sleeping with mom while I sleep in the guest room.....for the last 2 years. I work long hours and my job in fact requires me to obtain an extra credential, which means school + work at the same time. She works at home, but has most of the baby duties also, so she has no time of her own to rest and enjoy anything. I try to help, but never enough, so she has been angry and smoldering for the last 2 years. I do feel ignored, and that life sucks because I cant hang out with friends or anything... Cant go to the movies. Cant go skiing. Cant go out because she is never in the mood to. I dont blame her after all that she has gone through. I feel I am responsible because i didnt make things any better.

UPDATE: Wife is still in pain, but getting a little better. I concur with the grey sage Gumball's advice, and I apologized. She apologized also....and admitted that she kinda took things too far. We looked at the family picture we just took at SEARS a coupla weeks ago, and we wanted to keep the family intact. Plus the baby requires us BOTH to play the bongo with her at 8pm every night...no exceptions... so there is no way out... I felt very sorry that i caused her physical harm. She said if her injury would glue the family back together, it's all worth it. I told her I would not let her suffer in vain....then handed her 2 Advils.

Nextourer

Wow Kaius88. I was expecting to read a happy story. Sorry about what happened. I do think anyone can work things out if both parties are willing to communicate, talk and discuss.

Cali_Girl, your situation is very similar to mine but unlike yours and Kaius88, mine didn't end well. My gf never spoke a word about how she felt about our relationship and she would just pretend to be happy just to keep me happy. Well, one day, she "broke" and said she didn't want to deal with the obligations of being my gf and wanted to "take a break" (well, we all know what that means). Ever since, she's been ignoring me and I've lost the one I've loved for nearly 2 years.

Pheonix

Hasn't anyone ever seen any episode of cops? LoL!
In almost every state, it doesn't matter what happened between any defineable term of a spouce. (girlfriend aquaintence, etc) Whoever leaves a mark on someone, is immediately arrested.


So... If she calls the cops, u better grab the shoe & hit your damned self in the head pretty hard. LoL!
(That's just humor)


Life sucks man. But we all go up & down so. Just keep your head up like a man.