Lil4X

Conducting my informal new car review in the church parking lot this morning, I suddenly became aware of the number of new styling fillips that have appeared in the last two years and have spread through some pretty unlikely automobiles.

If you think back over the years of styling affectations - those styling cues that produce little or no benefits - we can almost separate them by decade. On the verge of the second decade of the 21st Century, what do YOU see as the wretched excesses of the coming years?

To review a bit, look at the tailfin of the '50's. Arriving first on the 1948 Cadillac, the first vestigial fins mimicked the tail of the P-38 fighter/bomber of WWII. Lockheed's Kelly Johnson probably never intended to be an influence on auto design as pivotal as Ramond Lowey or Harley Earl. By the mid-fifties the aviation influence evolved to the F-86 fighter of the Korean conflict, and by the late '50's fins had assumed proportions that totally dominated the appearance of the automobile.

In this period we saw the arrival of the first Buick "portholes", high on the front fenders, forward of the "A" pillars that referenced the external exhausts of Deusenberg and several other exotics. These cars sold as fast as the paint could dry.

By the mid-sixties we saw the first aero-devices, first some rather awkward "ducktail" spoilers and "Kamm" tails that mimicked what we saw on racers at LeMans and Daytona. The seventies saw a move away from aerodynamics in favor of a more "classic" Greco-Roman theme, complete with the touchstones of the era, the opera window and lamp, padded vinyl tops for that "Landau" look, and fake wire wheels (expensive hubcaps).

With a return to aerodynamic designs in the late '80's, we began to see air dams, wings, and other aero-devices of racing cars mimicked on sedans that could barely crack the 90 mph barrier. Body kits without an undertray don't produce the requisite downforce of a racer, but that doesn't seem to matter - the only way these vehicles will achieve sufficient aerodynamic effect is if the attached vehicle is driven deliberately off a very high cliff. OK, the value of these devices was only cosmetic, but they did sell well in "performance" packages.

Today, the latest styling gimmick as evidenced by my informal survey seems to be a return to portholes or gill slits - as seen on everything from Land Rovers, to Cadillacs, to F-150 pickups. OK, I know they're non-functional in most cases, but they are turning up everywhere - even Pep Boys is evidently in the action, as oddly stuck-on portholes turning up on old Hyundais and rusty Escorts. Probably not the vehicles you might suspect of generating high underhood temperatures associated with forced induction and other horsepower producing goodies.

What will be the next NON-FUNCTIONAL factory applied styling excess? You guys in SoCal are probably seeing them on the streets now. What will be the next must-have for the factory "racer"? Personally I'm hoping for pop-out circular saws, as seen in Speed Racer!

llamaboiz

Race Inspired Cosmetic Enhancements (R.I.C.E.), I'm actually hoping Angel Flights (bellbottom slacks) and Famolares (funky shoes) make a come back

<VENOM>

I've seen the Escalades and the Saturn Vue with the speed holes, just something you have to accept cause it comes from the factory, but Autozone is not helping cause I see all sorts of vehicles with these stick on port holes and I find it odd that most of the people who buy these accessories never wash their cars, another thing I noticed is everyone seems to have a Turbo badge on their cars now

mmarshall

I'd say the next nonfunctional styling excess will probably be center-mounted gauges.



Though most drivers (me included) don't like them for several reasons, automakers like them because they make it easier and save money producing both left and right hand-drive versions. The automakers discount surveys showing their unpopularty and try to convince us that the center-mount gauges are easier for drivers that conventional ones....it is a carefully orchestrated campaign of bull ******. They have temporarily been forced, in some vehicles like the Nissan Quest and Scion xA, to put the gauges back behind the wheel, but sooner or later, through propaganda, will force the public to accept them. When something in the auto industry saves money on the production line, it is VERY difficult to resist or fight it.

We're also seeing that, more and more, every redesign with cheap painted plastic trim.

JHStrange

Actually, I think we need to bring back the "necker's ****". It was the round ball that attached to the steering wheel rim so you could keep one arm around your passenger while you steered with the ball. These days with cell phones and Starbucks you need all the help you can get to keep the car on the road.

tex2670

I saw one of those the other day, and that's exactly what I thought.

The side vents on the restyled Ford Focus had me scratching my head--what't the point??

Koma

iTrader: (3)

Fender vents. They're everywhere.

LexBob2

Who started the current wave of these things?

Was it the Buick Lucerne with 3 holes on the V6 and 4 holes on the V8?

Ford seems to be putting them on all of their cars.

chrispy

iTrader: (21)

Buick styled fender vents are the dumbest trend ever. I've never seen it look good on any car, including Buicks.

mmarshall

No. You got it backwards. What's needed is to put down the cell phones and Starbucks until you're DONE driving.

And the ****, in general, was needed only with manual, non-power steering and its higher effort and slower response. Power steering, especially the rack-and-pinion type, made it much easier to steer with one hand.

PhilipMSPT

iTrader: (5)

Fish fins and taillights always threw me off...

mmarshall

Those sharp fins on the '59 and '60 Cadillacs are known to have impaled children, cyclists and runners. They were one of the prime reasons we started to get auto safety regulations in the 1960's.

PhilipMSPT

iTrader: (5)

Really?!? That sounds horrible!

I wonder if the same thing goes for crazy hood ornaments? However, I think the leaping Jaguar and the RR "Angel" should never be discontinued...

whoster

hey. it's no Angel.

its the "Spirit of Ecstasy"

mmarshall

Ralph Nader (who is currently running for President, BTW) wrote about this in his famous book "Unsafe at any Speed". It was one of many unsafe or questionable auto design features that he used to push for safety legislation 40 years ago.

Hood ornaments now are are required to have folding-springs on them so they collapse on impact.